{"id":590,"date":"2018-12-24T06:04:22","date_gmt":"2018-12-24T06:04:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/?p=590"},"modified":"2018-12-24T06:04:22","modified_gmt":"2018-12-24T06:04:22","slug":"december-24th-the-twelve-fears-of-starsky-by-m-butterfly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/?p=590","title":{"rendered":"December 24th- The Twelve Fears of Starsky by m. butterfly"},"content":{"rendered":"

Starsky slid out of the pickup truck and stomped through the snow to join Hutch at the foot of the veranda. \u201cI can\u2019t believe I\u2019m actually here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re welcome,\u201d Hutch said, admiring the view in front of them.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI can give you a dozen reasons why this is a bad idea. So, if you think I should be grateful to you for dragged me into the middle of the Minnesota wilderness\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s not like I forced you to come.\u201d<\/span>
\n<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2014to spend our first Christmas off in years in a\u2014\u201d He flapped his mittened hands and shuddered. \u201c\u2014in a cabin\u2026 Well, you\u2019re crazy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd have you already forgotten that the town, where we just picked up our supplies, is a ten-minute drive away?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky hugged himself and looked around. \u201cWhat about neighbors?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about them?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf we have any, they\u2019d better not be Satanists.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch shook his head. \u201cWhen I was growing up, I spent a lot of summer and winter vacations in cabins like this and never saw a single Devil worshipper.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMaybe your freaky family kept them away, like garlic keeps away vampires.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds about right.\u201d Hutch clapped his partner on the back with gusto. \u201cWell, I\u2019d love to stand here in the driveway listening to you complain all day, but unless you want the groceries to freeze, we should get them inside.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

To Starsky\u2019s surprise, the interior of the cabin was anything but rustic\u2014nothing at all like Captain Dobey\u2019s.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis kitchen looks like it belongs in a showroom, Hutch,\u201d he said as he put two bulging paper bags on the marble countertop. \u201cThe whole place does. So, what\u2019s the catch?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch grabbed Starsky by the elbow and led him back outside. \u201cThere\u2019s no catch. Vermont\u2014not Minnesota\u2014is America\u2019s winter playground and, therefore, a lot cheaper. And the travel agent found us a good deal. End of story.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe couldn\u2019t go somewhere civilized, huh? Like Mexico or the Bahamas?\u201d Starsky hauled more bags out of the truck.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOn our salaries?\u201d Arms full, Hutch hip-checked the Ford\u2019s door closed. \u201cWe couldn\u2019t afford one room at a tropical resort, let alone the two rooms we would\u2019ve had to book.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI guess.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBesides, I thought you\u2019d like all the privacy we\u2019ll have here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe privacy, yes. But not the trees and the snow and the bears.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBears?\u201d Hutch herded Starsky up the stairs to the front door. \u201cThey hibernate during the winter. Mostly.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean, \u2018mostly?\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIf there were any, I\u2019m sure the Satanists used them as sacrifices.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHa-ha. You\u2019re a funny guy, Hutch. A regular George Carlin.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what else is funny? That you think those groceries are going to put themselves away.\u201d Hutch began unpacking the bags. \u201cI\u2019ll fill the cupboards. You can do the fridge.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky raised his hands in surrender. \u201cNo way! What if there\u2019s a snake in there?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, for heaven\u2019s sake,\u201d Hutch grumbled, then swung the refrigerator door open to reveal \u2013 nothing but a box of baking soda. \u201cSatisfied?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The answer was a shake of Starsky\u2019s head and an upward glance.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe freezer?\u201d Hutch asked, incredulous. \u201cHow would a frozen rattlesnake hurt you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky harrumphed. \u201cCould\u2019ve been put in there just before we arrived and now it\u2019s mad.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou know I love you \u2013 but you\u2019re an idiot.\u201d Hutch opened the freezer door and jumped back. \u201cOh my god!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It took Starsky less than a second to scoot several feet away. \u201cWhat? What is it?\u201d he demanded, clutching at his chest.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThese,\u201d said Hutch, waving a full ice cube try in Starsky\u2019s direction. \u201cYou could lose an eye if I threw these at you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re going to lose more than an eye if you don\u2019t stop trying to scare the crap outta me!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLooks like I succeeded,\u201d Hutch muttered under his breath.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat was that, pal?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI said, let\u2019s finish up in here so we can bring in the suitcases and then work on the tree.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The store where they\u2019d bought beer and wine had a Christmas tree lot beside it, and Starsky had insisted they get a six-foot Norway spruce. He\u2019d also talked Hutch into stopping at the town\u2019s five and dime for lights and ornaments.<\/span><\/p>\n

Once their luggage was inside, they headed back to the truck one last time. Hutch got there first and scooped up the bags with the lights and decorations.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWait a minute!\u201d Starsky protested. \u201cWhy do I have to carry the tree? There might be something hiding in it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLike what?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLike a squirrel or a chipmunk. Or a rat.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch rolled his eyes and pushed the packages toward Starsky. \u201cFine. I\u2019ll do it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky blocked his path. \u201cUntie it before you take it into the cabin. And shake it to make sure you don\u2019t bring anything else in.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

That earned him another withering look.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m beginning to think it would\u2019ve been worth taking out a loan to go to Mexico after all,\u201d Hutch told Starsky as he removed the tree\u2019s bindings on the veranda and inspected it for stowaways.<\/span><\/p>\n

Convinced that no outdoor critters would be running around indoors, Starsky was eager to put the tree up and start decorating.<\/span><\/p>\n

But Scoutmaster Hutchinson was marching to a different tune and wanted to unpack their clothes and toiletries before doing anything else.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDid you know you\u2019re the bossiest person on the planet?\u201d Starsky told him, struggling to shed his heavy coat and other winter gear while propping the tree against the wall.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch just shrugged, kicked off his snowy boots, and headed for the kitchen. \u201cI\u2019m going to find some rags or a mop to clean up the mess we\u2019ve made. You go ahead and find the bigger bedroom.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo bossy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The cabin had two bedrooms, one being significantly larger than the other. By the time Hutch was done drying the wet floors, he expected Starsky to be ready to work on the tree.<\/span><\/p>\n

He should\u2019ve known to expect the unexpected with Starsky.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStarsk?\u201d Hutch padded into the room, scratching his head. \u201cI thought you\u2019d be done by now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The suitcase was sitting unopened on the floor beside Starsky, who was staring at the king-sized bed with his hands folded under his chin.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know you\u2019re going to make fun of me,\u201d he said quietly, \u201cbut could you look under the bed? And, uh, in the closet?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch swallowed his laughter. \u201cSure, babe. Anything to make you feel more comfortable.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He got down on his hands and knees, lifted the bed skirt, and pronounced the space between the box spring and the floor empty and safe. \u201cNot even a single killer dust bunny,\u201d he teased.<\/span><\/p>\n

There was nothing or nobody ready to spring from the closet, either. Hutch also checked each and every dresser drawer and behind the heavy drapes \u2013 just for good measure.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThanks,\u201d Starsky said, finally willing to meet his partner\u2019s sparkling eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch gathered him in for a full-body hug. \u201cIt\u2019s okay. And yes\u2014when we put our stuff away in the bathroom, I\u2019ll take a peek behind the shower curtain for you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It was adorable how grateful Starsky was, and Hutch refrained from needling him while they put up and trimmed the tree.<\/span><\/p>\n

About an hour later, they stood in the living room appraising their handiwork. It was fully dark outside, and Hutch had turned off all the lights in the cabin so that the only illumination came from colorful little bulbs that adorned the Norway spruce.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTurned out pretty good, don\u2019t you think?\u201d Starsky asked.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch nodded and put his arm around his better half. Except for the whistling of the wind through the pines, the night was perfectly, beautifully silent.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then his stomach rumbled, which prompted Starsky\u2019s to do the same.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s have the lasagne and garlic bread tonight,\u201d Hutch suggested.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s frozen solid,\u201d reasoned Starsky, \u201cand I\u2019m too hungry to wait for it to cook.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re afraid of what may be lurking in the oven, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky puffed out his chest. \u201cNo, of course not. Like I said, I\u2019m just starving.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

They agreed to a quick and simple meal of thick pea soup from a can, sandwiches piled high with fresh deli meats, and pickles, potato chips, and beers on the side. And while the soup was heating on the stove, Hutch gave the oven the old once-over to keep Starsky from obsessing about it for the rest of the evening.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat should we do now?\u201d Starsky asked after they\u2019d eaten and done the dishes. He waggled his eyebrows at Hutch.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow about making out on the couch in front of the fireplace?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky stretched like a sleek black cat, offering a glimpse of his flat, fuzzy belly. \u201cI\u2019d be up for\u2014hey! What are you doing?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does it look like I\u2019m doing? I\u2019m making a fire.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

The cabin had come with an ample supply of cut wood and kindling.<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky ran his hands through his hair. \u201cWhat if it catches fire?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch found some long matches and lit some newspaper he\u2019d scrunched up in a neat semi-circle. \u201cIt\u2019s supposed to catch fire, dummy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t mean the logs,\u201d Starsky snapped. \u201cI meant the creosote inside the chimney. If it\u2019s dirty, it could catch fire and burn or asphyxiate us to death.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sure the creosote is clean, Starsk. Otherwise, the owners wouldn\u2019t risk renting the cabin out. So relax.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But Starsky was too distracted by thoughts of an imminent fiery or smoky demise to be part of a decent make-out session.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d Hutch declared with a sigh as he stood and offered Starsky a hand. \u201cIt\u2019s been a long day and we could both use a long night\u2019s rest. C\u2019mon.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t forget to unplug the Christmas tree, Hutch, or\u2014\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI know. I know. Or it\u2019ll go up in flames and we\u2019ll die in our sleep.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky pouted prettily through his entire bedtime routine but seemed generally apprehensive before getting into bed.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNow what?\u201d Hutch asked, even though he knew exactly what the problem was.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if there\u2019s something under the covers?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSomething that rattles or hisses, perhaps?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky\u2019s face went white. \u201cI was thinking something with eight legs that spins a web, but thanks for putting that image into my head.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

With a flourish, Hutch turned down the bedding. \u201cSee? No reptiles or creepy crawlies. Now take off your bathrobe and climb in. I\u2019m cold.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what you get for standing around naked in the winter in a cabin in the middle of nowhere.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch turned off the bedside lamp, slipped between the sheets, and drew Starsky close, nibbling the side of his neck.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHutch?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDamn it, Starsky! What are you afraid of this time?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky pulled back and tried to study Hutch\u2019s face in the darkness. \u201cI\u2014I just wanted to say that I\u2019m okay with this place now. And the only thing I\u2019m scared of is that our week here will go by too fast.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTo tell you the truth, that scares me, too.\u201d Hutch leaned in and kissed him. \u201cHappy Christmas vacation, Starsk.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou, too, babe.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Starsky slid out of the pickup truck and stomped through the snow to join Hutch at the foot of the veranda. \u201cI can\u2019t believe I\u2019m actually here.\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re welcome,\u201d Hutch said, admiring the view in front of them. \u201cI can … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,17,18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fic","category-sfw","category-slash"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=590"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":593,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions\/593"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=590"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=590"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2018\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=590"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}