{"id":321,"date":"2019-12-18T05:07:33","date_gmt":"2019-12-18T05:07:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/?p=321"},"modified":"2019-12-18T05:07:33","modified_gmt":"2019-12-18T05:07:33","slug":"december-18-hope-springs-eternal-part-3-diamonds-and-change-by-m-h-e-priest","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/?p=321","title":{"rendered":"December 18- Hope Springs Eternal Part 3 – Diamonds and Change by M H E Priest"},"content":{"rendered":"

Click here for Part 1<\/span><\/strong><\/a>
\nClick here for Part 2<\/strong><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky knew he was pushing his limit, but the warm salt water pool in the BCPD gym was just what he needed after too much time away from its therapeutic benefit. Almost four weeks of not playing fish while his latest wounds healed had taken a toll on him, both physically and mentally. He hadn\u2019t realized how much he depended on swim therapy not only for keeping his right arm and shoulder flexible but for time to think and how his movement through the womb-like water had become his own brand of meditation.<\/span><\/p>\n

He switched effortlessly from the crawl to the butterfly, actually enjoying the slight pull over the new wounds. He snickered, remembering his comment years ago about Hutch eating butterfly bones. That was a much simpler time.<\/span><\/p>\n

The latest in their increasingly complicated lives was the last call they answered–a domestic disturbance. Every cop hated those, along with traffic stops, because both were much more dangerous to their well-being than almost any other incident.<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead of falling into meditation mode, he ran over in his mind yet again about what they could have, should<\/em> have, done differently on that call.<\/span><\/p>\n

What if they hadn\u2019t been less than two blocks from the address; would Starsky have signed them out?<\/span><\/p>\n

What if only the citizen who had called it in had mentioned gunshots; would they have gone in with weapons drawn and exercised a greater level of caution?<\/span><\/p>\n

What if they\u2019d checked the backyard; would they have found the shooter, a young woman with a bruised and bloodied face?<\/span><\/p>\n

What if Hutch hadn\u2019t looked so much like the victim; would she have screamed, \u201cWhy aren\u2019t you dead?\u201d and aimed the pistol at Hutch?<\/span><\/p>\n

What if he hadn\u2019t flung himself between Hutch and the woman; would she have shot Hutch in the chest? Instead, she\u2019d fired early, startled at Starsky\u2019s action. The bullet was a through and through in Starsky\u2019s side between his vest and belt. It had ricocheted off the crest of his pelvic bone, sending the slowed small-caliber missile into Hutch\u2019s upper left thigh rather than somewhere more serious.<\/span><\/p>\n

What if he had missed disabling her with a vicious kick to the knee; would she have pulled the trigger again and killed Hutch?<\/span><\/p>\n

Too damn many what-if questions.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch\u2019s leg wound was minor when Starsky considered his partner\u2019s other wound: the fathomless fear that Starsky was dead that manifested itself as catatonia interrupted only a constant hushed and slurred litany of \u201cPlease not dead,\u201d while he stared, unblinking, at the rapidly fading Starsky. Hutch had been admitted to Memorial\u2019s psych ward for a few days after he\u2019d been medically stabilized. Now he was under the care of an outpatient shrink.<\/span><\/p>\n

All because Starsky had to get back on the street after the hit. Too selfish to see that Hutch\u2019s agreement was, at best, half-hearted. Oddly, it had been too easy to convince Hutch that getting back on the street together would mean they had beat Gunther, even if his shyster lawyers could win in court.<\/span><\/p>\n

Christ, I hate domestic calls<\/em>, he thought as he leisurely changed to a side stroke. It was then he saw Hutch, looking more beautiful than anyone had a right to, grinning like a Cheshire cat and sitting on the bench that held his towel. Giving, smart, aggravating, empathetic, caring, funny, sexy beyond comprehension Hutch. Every time he saw Hutch, his pulse raced, his breath hitched, his skin tingled, his cock twitched, and his soul quivered with unabashed joy. Today, it was all the more so because of Hutch\u2019s almost jubilant attitude.<\/span><\/p>\n

Must have good news!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Once he drew even with Hutch, Starsky quickly crossed over the two unoccupied lanes between them. He pushed himself up with greater ease than he expected and reached for the towel Hutch held out for him.<\/span><\/p>\n

Something\u2019s gotta change before we both go nutso. Time for me to step up and do what\u2019s right for the both of us.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThanks.\u201d Starsky used the towel to squeeze the water from his dripping curls. \u201cSo, buddy, what\u2019s the word from the head-peeper?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Hutch loved to watch Starsky swim. Before rehab after the assassination attempt, Starsky had shied away from any aquatic adventure. In Hutch\u2019s mind, he was part dolphin, one of the most intelligent and altruistic mammals on the planet, when he was in the water. As Starsky rose out of the pool, Hutch thought him a merman, and drank in the sight of the supple, well-toned body. Wanted to touch him, hold him, pleasure him, revel and wallow in his indomitable spirit.<\/span><\/p>\n

It had taken Hutch almost a year after that heart-to-heart talk with Terry to admit she had been right to suspect he had that <\/em>sort of love for his partner. And he\u2019d bucked it all the way until the hit, when so much had changed. Including Starsky, despite Terry\u2019s wish that he not let that happen.<\/span><\/p>\n

But change they both had. Even before the hit, Starsky was becoming quieter, more reflective, but without losing any of his humor, his ability to infuriate indiscriminately, his cock-eyed way of seeing things, his unqualified joy in living. And Hutch\u2019s changes, he admitted ruefully to himself, had been both positive and negative, the latter too often expressed in his less-than-stellar behavior toward his partner and best friend at times.<\/span><\/p>\n

He was ready to declare his love and accept the same from Starsky now, had been for over a year. Yet he had waited patiently for Starsky to make the first move. Why he was waiting, he still didn\u2019t know. He was pretty sure fear was part of it, but whether it was of acceptance or rejection, both were equally frightening.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI can go to two sessions a week,\u201d Hutch answered, \u201cand<\/em> he cleared me for desk duty. Plus Andy thinks it\u2019ll be only a couple more sessions before he releases me from physical therapy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cTerrific!\u201d Starsky said with genuine enthusiasm. \u201cI was gettin\u2019 tired of staring at the empty chair across from mine. And covering for the day shift sergeants was getting boring.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch grinned at that; Starsky complained about both almost every day since he\u2019d returned to work.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWanna celebrate, Blintz?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure. The Pits?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAbsolutely, partner. Huggy\u2019ll want to know the good news.\u201d Starsky headed for the locker room for a shower.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch held back for a few moments to watch Starsky\u2019s backside to appreciate the form that fueled his fantasies. Starsky still swaggered, albeit with a touch more subtlety that managed to remain highly provocative. Hutch was thankful that Starsky had abandoned wearing a T-shirt for swimming for two reasons: he had overcome his self-consciousness about the scars and he now only swam in red or white Speedos. He smiled at his good fortune for the latter, then limp-jogged, thinking of Walter Brennan\u2019s distinctive gait, to catch up with his partner.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Two weeks later<\/em><\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch knocked shave-and-a-haircut and opened the door. He curled his lips in a smirk when he heard, \u201cTwo bits!\u201d coming from the kitchen. He announced gleefully, \u201cThe guest of honor has arrived!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh, good,\u201d responded Starsky. \u201cThe vino\u2019s here!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI meant me, you birdbrain,\u201d Hutch teased back on joining Starsky in the kitchen. He made a point of sniffing the air, perfumed with tomatoes, beef, oregano, rosemary, and mushrooms. \u201cAh! Your nonna\u2019s lasagna.\u201d Not for the first time, Hutch found himself wishing he\u2019d met his partner\u2019s Italian grandmother.<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky continued to put the finishing touches on a salad. \u201cYour favorite. Won\u2019t be ready for about another thirty minutes. How \u2018bout you open the wine and I\u2019ll get us a couple beers for appetizers?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBeer isn\u2019t exactly what I\u2019d call an appetizer. What about an antipasto tray, you know, with olives and cheese –\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cRan outta cash at the supermarket,\u201d Starsky interrupted. \u201cAnd that one don\u2019t take credit cards. So it\u2019s beer. I could get ya a bowl of Cap\u2019n Crunch and you can pour the beer in that. Breakfast and<\/em> appetizer of champions.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch pulled a face and almost laughed before he realized Starsky was serious. \u201cNo, I\u2019ll pass.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGood. You\u2019ll have room for more lasagna.\u201d Starsky pulled two bottles of Coors from the fridge, opened them with a church key, and headed for the living room.<\/span><\/p>\n

After Hutch removed the cork, he joined Starsky in the living room. He took the bottle offered to him but almost dropped it when he saw a shirt-size gift box wrapped in blue foil and a red and white ribbon striped to look like a candy cane sitting on the coffee table. \u201cIs that for me?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOf course it\u2019s for you, dummy. If it\u2019d been mine, the paper and ribbon would be long gone. Happy Birthday, partner.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut my birthday isn\u2019t for another two weeks.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWon\u2019t hold that against you. Anyways, this is kinda time-sensitive.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

They took a long pull of their beers simultaneously before Hutch placed his on the table and sat down. He picked up the decorated box and shook it.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis sure is light. Is there anything in it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWill you just open the damn thing before I lose my looks?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDidn\u2019t know you had any to lose,\u201d Hutch snarked, grinning when Starsky stuck his tongue out at him. Taking his time just to annoy his impatient friend, he slowly pulled the ribbon loose, then tossed it on the cushion between them. He carefully separated the tape from the paper, grinning to himself at Starsky\u2019s increasing fidgeting that seemed to have taken on an edge of anxiety.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHutch, get on with it, willya? You\u2019re killin\u2019 me here!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch was right; Starsky\u2019s voice confirmed that edge, so subtle that only Hutch, and possibly Huggy, could have heard.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why is he so nervous?<\/em> \u201cOkay, buddy. Keep your shirt on.\u201d Hutch sped up the unwrapping. Starsky snatched the paper from him before he could toss it. Then Hutch balanced the box on his lap. Carefully, he lifted the top off and set it on the coffee table.<\/span><\/p>\n

His eyes opened wide when he recognized the BCPD letterhead. He scanned the typewritten words; resignation<\/em> stood out as if it were flashing neon. He checked the date: September 1, 1980. He checked the name at the bottom of the page: David M. Starsky.<\/span><\/p>\n

Not knowing how<\/em> to say it, whether he should show his shock, his dismay, his anger<\/em>, he said without affect, \u201cWhat is this?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMy resignation,\u201d Starsky replied simply.<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky\u2019s matter-of-factness drew out Hutch\u2019s ire. \u201cWhat, you\u2019re resigning without even discussing it with your partner<\/em>? I thought we were in this together, Starsky. Guess I was wrong.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky shook his head. \u201cHutch, don\u2019t be mad. It\u2019s not what you think.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThen what the hell is<\/em> it?\u201d Hutch felt his stomach burn with acid.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s another page. Look at it, willya?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

He did, and found an identical letter but with his name at the bottom. \u201cSo you\u2019re<\/em> making career decisions for me without consulting me?\u201d He snorted in derision. \u201cHow dare you,\u201d he stated in that soft but threatening tone he used with bad guys who had the temerity to resist.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLet me explain.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI should think so. Spit it out, Starsky, before I blow my top and walk outta here.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky sighed. \u201cI wanted to surprise you, Hutch. I been thinking a lot since we got shot, and –\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch cut him off with a, \u201cThat was your first mistake–thinking<\/em>. Too dangerous for you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky gave him a look that requested patience and understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch ran his fingers along his moustache while he reminded himself this was Starsky, who thought to a different drummer. \u201cOkay, I\u2019m surprised,\u201d he said gently, apology for his earlier attitude in his tone. \u201cGo on.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky responded with a hesitant smile. \u201cWell, as I said, I\u2019ve been thinking, and it seemed like the right time for a change. I didn\u2019t want to say anything until I had some sort of plan. I thought it\u2019d be kinda fun to present my idea to you like this and we could begin talking about it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cDo you really want to resign?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, Hutch. Time to move on.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cBut you\u2019re a cop, down to your core. It\u2019s who you are and you\u2019re damn good at it. You worked so hard to get back on the streets.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s one of the things I\u2019ve been thinking about. Sure, I\u2019m a cop. That\u2019s all I ever wanted to be. But then I realized that\u2019s not who I really am. I\u2019m, uh, you, I mean I\u2019m us<\/em>.\u201d Starsky huffed his frustration. \u201cI can\u2019t explain this very good.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch softened further, finally hearing from Starsky\u2019s mouth what he, Hutch, had felt from the first day they met. \u201cI understand what you\u2019re saying, Starsk. I feel the same way.\u201d He was rewarded with a brightening of Starsky\u2019s features. \u201cBut I don\u2019t understand why you want to quit. We both<\/em> wanted to hit the streets again as partners. And now, after nearly six months back, you\u2019ve changed your mind?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I have.\u201d He paused. Hutch waited, carefully watching the effort showing on Starsky\u2019s face to pull his thoughts together. \u201cComing back meant that we won, Hutch. We beat Gunther. Truthfully, though, I think maybe you really didn\u2019t want that.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHow can you think that, Starsk? I was just as eager as you to get back on the streets.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWell, when we were talkin\u2019 about it, you didn\u2019t seem very\u2026 enthused.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cStarsky, I had just come off three sixteen-hour days and too little sleep when we had that conversation. The only thing I could\u2019ve possibly showed any enthusiasm for was sleep. I agreed because I wanted<\/em> to keep kicking bad guys\u2019 butts with you at my side, more than anything.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky was silent for a long moment before saying, \u201cOh. So you didn\u2019t say yes because I nee–uh, wanted it?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch smiled. \u201cStarsky, we both needed<\/em> it. We made the right decision and I don\u2019t regret it.\u201d He paused on observing the confusion on Starsky\u2019s face. \u201cTrust me, babe?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky looked away, but he failed to keep Hutch from seeing his embarrassment. \u201cStupid question,\u201d he said in full grump. \u201cOf course<\/em> I trust you!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThen why all\u2026 this<\/em>?\u201d Hutch asked as he held up the two letters. \u201cIf you\u2019re wanting a change –\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

With an emphatic wave of his hand, Starsky silenced Hutch. \u201cI thought I\u2019d lost you, Hutch!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? You thought my wound was fatal?\u201d Then it hit him; he understood what his partner had really thought he\u2019d lost.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNot that!\u201d Starsky moved closer to the cushion\u2019s edge and turned his body to more directly face Hutch. \u201cIt was\u2026 your mind<\/em>, Hutch. I thought you\u2019d never come out of that comatonia -\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cCatatonia,\u201d Hutch corrected without thinking, though Starsky\u2019s word made more sense, in a way, than the official term.<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky scowled his exasperation. \u201cWhatever<\/em>. The point I\u2019m tryin\u2019 to make is that I thought you\u2019d be a, a, talkin\u2019 vegetable with a three-word vocabulary, and I couldn\u2019t take that and I don\u2019t want that for you. And it was my fault! I shoulda known that if I got shot again<\/em>, you might not be able to, uh, handle it. And you didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHonestly, Starsk, I was surprised as anyone that I decompensated. I thought I could manage anything thrown at us, after all those sessions with the department shrink. Guess Angela and I were both wrong.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAnd that\u2019s why we gotta make some changes, babe. Yeah, sure, you\u2019re cleared to full status, but it\u2019s still sort of a crapshoot, right? So, I–we<\/em>–gotta do what\u2019s right for the both of us.\u201d Starsky projected a sincerity and a certainty that added even more power to his statement.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch\u2019s throat tensed as Starsky\u2019s words brought to mind what Terry had said to him at the park so long ago. Terry, are you doing this? Are you speaking through Starsky?<\/em> In the next second, he dismissed that absurd idea.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch forced a deep breath through his tight throat. \u201cIf resignation is right for you, partner, it\u2019s right for me. For both of us.\u201d And by all the gods, I mean it<\/em>. Keeping my promise, Terry. At least in one way.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

A wide smile graced Hutch\u2019s face, all the way up to his eyes, when he saw the relief and elation in Starsky\u2019s sparkling eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

And to his mild astonishment, Hutch felt relief as well–relief from the fear he\u2019d been carrying around in his subconscious not just for the past fourteen months, but for years. The fear that Starsky would leave him somehow, some way. Relief that they\u2019d be off the mean, soul-sucking streets, no longer having to keep burnout and disillusionment at bay or putting themselves in constant danger or being targets for every criminal they worked to take down. Resignation was just what the proverbial doctor ordered.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo, any idea what we\u2019d do after we quit?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky beamed at Hutch\u2019s question. He threw the ribbon over the back of the sofa and scooted over until their legs met. \u201cIt\u2019s a two-part plan. I got a number of ideas for the first part.\u201d He paused, unsure of where to start.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOkay. What are they?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch listened with full attention as an animated Starsky laid out their options: paramedics (\u201cThe fire chief guaranteed us assignment to the same firehouse and shift\u201d); investigators for the DA\u2019s office (\u201cThey want us so bad they\u2019re holding two positions for us\u201d); medical or nursing education (\u201cYou\u2019d make a top-notch nurse, buddy; I\u2019m livin\u2019 proof of that\u201d) for Hutch, physical therapy training for Starsky (\u201cWe could work at the same hospital\u201d); law school for Hutch, paralegal certification for Starsky (\u201cI\u2019d work for some law firm, then when you start your practice, I\u2019d be your investigator, too\u201d). He finished with, \u201cI got other ideas, but that\u2019s enough to get started.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky even had ideas for financing their education and living expenses, which included scholarships, Starsky\u2019s bar mitzvah savings bonds and GI benefits, part-time work, and them moving in together. The latter appealed to Hutch immensely, regardless of what they decided to do for employment.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo, whatcha think, Hutch?\u201d Starsky sounded hopeful yet anxious.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch held his tongue for a moment, too overwhelmed at everything Starsky had done in the last couple weeks without his knowledge to get them started on their new lives, only to watch Starsky grow more anxious. He cleared his throat and replied, \u201cI really like the first two options. But would you really<\/em> want to be a paramedic?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSure. I know what they do, and I ain\u2019t bothered by blood, unless it\u2019s yours. And it\u2019d be cool to drive an ambulance. They\u2019re red and white,\u201d he said cheekily through his smile. \u201cPlus, we\u2019d still be helping people together<\/em>, ya know?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch had to admit Starsky\u2019s plan was well-thought out, reflecting their strengths and desires not only to help people but to do it as partners.<\/span><\/p>\n

Out of the blue, an unfamiliar emotion, or maybe it was a sensation, swept through Hutch. \u201cOkay, Starsk, I\u2019m in.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cReally? No foolin\u2019? You\u2019re not signing up to all this just \u2018cause I asked?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch sighed gently. \u201cNo foolin\u2019,\u201d he echoed. \u201cI\u2019m ready to move on. I wasn\u2019t six months ago, but I am now. We<\/em> are now. Perfect call, partner. This is a great gift.\u201d It was then he put a name on what he felt: rebirth. And it was more thrilling and scary than he ever could have imagined.<\/span><\/p>\n

For once, Starsky was speechless, but he revealed his absolute pleasure, hope, and love with his eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch, ensuring his own hope–that Starsky was about to cop to wanting him in that<\/em> way–showed in his eyes, rubbed Starsky\u2019s thigh as he said, \u201cOkay, partner, what\u2019s the second part of the plan?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

In the next instant, he sensed the most vulnerability he\u2019d ever experienced radiating like the sun from his best friend. Oh, God\u2026 he\u2019s petrified!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Starsky swallowed the wad of terror that had suddenly appeared in his throat, and he tensed beneath Hutch\u2019s warm hand. Before he could overcome his fear, the oven timer buzzed loudly. Saved by the bell<\/em>, he thought at the brief reprieve he\u2019d won.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cUh, dinner\u2019s ready,\u201d he managed to squeak out. \u201cLet\u2019s eat.\u201d He had to force himself to keep from bolting out the front door. Instead, he chided himself with a silent Chickenshit<\/em> and sauntered stiffly to the kitchen.<\/span><\/p>\n

After applying padded gloves to shaking hands, Starsky pulled the lasagna pan from the oven and set it on the trivet on the table, surprised he hadn\u2019t dropped the dish. Next, hands now merely quivering, he poured the homemade vinaigrette on the salad and began tossing it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hutch\u2019s hand grab the wine bottle.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll pour.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch had said that too patiently, too\u2026 understanding. Shit! He knows! And he\u2019s already softening me up for the letdown<\/em>. \u201c\u2018Kay.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Salad ready, Starsky placed the bowl next to the pan. \u201cHelp yourself to the salad,\u201d he said as he cut the lasagna in uneven squares. He placed the first square on Hutch\u2019s plate. \u201cEat up,\u201d then he promptly downed all the wine in his glass, poured himself some more, and shoveled two squares onto his plate.<\/span><\/p>\n

Conversation at the table consisted of Hutch complimenting the cook and talking about the pros and cons of working for the DA and of being paramedics. Not really hearing a word, Starsky merely grunted at what seemed to be the appropriate times, having decided to avoid anything meaningful or threatening to his peace of mind by keeping his mouth full and his wine glass empty.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dinner was finally finished when Hutch pushed back from the table and said, \u201cThat was your best batch ever. Your grandma would be proud.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky swallowed the partially chewed bite, following it with the last of the wine. \u201cThanks, buddy. Uh, want dessert? I got a cinnamon raisin babka from Ezra\u2019s Bakery and that Brazilian coffee you like.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch laid a hand on his belly. \u201cNo room. Later? After you tell me what the second part of your grand scheme is?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky gulped; he could no longer put this off. He\u2019d put this off for too many years already. Hutch needed to know, especially if it could impact his decision about resigning. He decided it would be better to broach the subject where they were, so the table could serve as a buffer. Besides, Starsky was unsure his jellied legs could support him all the way to the sofa.<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky sat on his hands to hide his nervousness. He could stand up to perps wielding guns or knives or 2-by-4s, to guys whose fists were bigger than his head, but he was a scaredy cat when facing the most important person in the world to him with his wish for them to take a giant step into new territory. Suck it up, Davey. Ask him. Just be ready to handle the consequences<\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou know that idea I had about us movin\u2019 in together?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch nodded, said nothing.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI was thinking we\u2019d find us a two-bedroom place. You know, so we\u2019d have a guest room.\u201d Now where the hell did that<\/strong> come from? Can\u2019t you just say what you practiced for the last three days?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch seemed unfazed, but Starsk knew what a talented undercover cop and practical joker Hutch was. Why won\u2019t he say somethin\u2019?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSo we\u2019d have twin beds? What about when we have, uh, friends<\/em> over?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

That little hope diamond that had taken up virtual residence in his gut years ago began to turn to ash. Please, Hutch, please<\/strong> be pulling my leg<\/em>. \u201cI was, thinking, well, hoping<\/em> we\u2019d share a bed.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch paused, his face again telling Starsky virtually nothing about what he was feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n

At least he hasn\u2019t lunged over the table to strangle me. Keep talking. Say what you practiced, dummy.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYa see, Hutch, babe, I love you so much, in that<\/em> way, along with all the other ways, and I want it all with you, and you with me, if you want.\u201d He waited, still unable to read Hutch despite the blush that pinked his cheeks.<\/span><\/p>\n

Without any warning, Hutch leapt to his feet and turned his back to Starsky. Hutch\u2019s body trembled from head to toe, but, to Starsky\u2019s amazement, he didn\u2019t make tracks.<\/span><\/p>\n

Disappointment and sorrow saturated Starsky\u2019s being. The obvious rejection chained him to the chair and stole his tongue and courage. That symbolic diamond vanished, leaving him empty and hopeless.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch turned back to face Starsky so quickly that Starsky jerked in surprise and fear. He calmed somewhat when he saw Hutch\u2019s exquisite eyes shine with a brilliance he rarely, maybe never, had seen.<\/span><\/p>\n

Is he gonna cry?<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Two long strides brought Hutch to Starsky. Without a word, Hutch, trembling slightly less, gripped Starsky\u2019s upper arms and lifted him from his chair. Starsky semi-hung there like a terrified rag doll.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI do, Starsk,\u201d Hutch croaked out, voice full of the conviction of unconditional, absolute love, \u201coh, dear God, I do<\/em>.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky grinned so widely that his cheeks and jaw ached. \u201cI wasn\u2019t sure. I mean, you said you\u2019d never fall in love again.\u201d He placed his hands tentatively on Hutch\u2019s hips.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI haven\u2019t.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky shot him a puzzled look.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch snickered. \u201cStarsk, I fell in love with you long<\/em> before Gillian came along. I suppressed it until Terry put it in my head that maybe I did love you in that way. I fought it until Gunther nearly won. But we made sure he didn\u2019t.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Then Starsky realized his hope diamond hadn\u2019t vanished after all. Instead, it had split in two and now were Hutch\u2019s glistening eyes. Starsky had never been more happy and excited and frightened in his life. My priceless blue diamonds<\/em>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky gently shook off Hutch\u2019s hands, which wound up on Starsky\u2019s waist, and immediately took that beloved face between his hands. \u201cI love you, Hutch, and I\u2019ll be here for you always.\u201d He smoothly tugged Hutch\u2019s head toward his until their foreheads touched. He inhaled the breath that was his life, his Hutch.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hutch sighed with unmistakable serenity. \u201cI love you, Starsk. Always have, always will.\u201d He paused. \u201cUh, do you think Terry would be disappointed with me? After all, I didn\u2019t keep you from changing.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Starsky felt his throat constrict and his eyes sting. \u201cI think she\u2019d understand, especially since the most important thing about me hasn\u2019t changed. That<\/em> finally came out in the open.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Click here for Part 1 Click here for Part 2 Starsky knew he was pushing his limit, but the warm salt water pool in the BCPD gym was just what he needed after too much time away from its therapeutic … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,9,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-321","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fic","category-sfw","category-slash"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=321"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":401,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/321\/revisions\/401"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=321"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=321"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2019\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=321"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}