{"id":76,"date":"2016-12-14T05:51:21","date_gmt":"2016-12-14T05:51:21","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/?p=76"},"modified":"2016-12-14T05:51:21","modified_gmt":"2016-12-14T05:51:21","slug":"december-14th-viral-by-dppatricks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/?p=76","title":{"rendered":"December 14th- Viral by DPPatricks"},"content":{"rendered":"

Christmas morning, 2016.<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cStarsky, what are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m takin\u2019 your picture.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhile I\u2019m standing here naked?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMostly naked, Hutch. You\u2019re wearing a strategically placed apron.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAn elf apron you gave me last night as I recall.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou recall correctly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWait a minute. Isn\u2019t that the phone I gave you? The first present you ripped open an hour ago?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure is.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI thought we were going to read the manual together, later. Check out all the new features.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCouldn\u2019t wait. Wanted to take pictures of your gorgeous body.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy old<\/em> body, you mean.\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

\u201cYour body doesn\u2019t look old, Hutch. You might not be as ripped as you were forty years ago but you\u2019re still in damn good shape. I mean, look at those beautiful buns, those sculpted thighs, that broad, muscular back, that velvety\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStarsk, why are you still taking pictures? Breakfast is almost ready and you\u2019ve wasted enough pixels to fill an eight gig thumb drive.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not takin\u2019 individual pictures, Hutch.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThen what are you doing?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m streamin\u2019 you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re what<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou heard me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m naked here, Starsky!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s what\u2019s so beautiful, babe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWait, isn\u2019t that illegal? To broadcast nudity on television. Or the internet?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrontal maybe, not this. A bare butt was probably a shock when David Caruso got away with it on NYPD Blue. These days? Not so much.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t think you knew how to get on the internet with that thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t. But I started fiddling while I was watchin\u2019 you cook and asked myself, why shouldn\u2019t others be able to see this paragon of sexiness, too? So I clicked a few icons and we\u2019re live, babe.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, my God, Starsky, you\u2019re not showing my face are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2018Course not. Don\u2019t worry. All they can see is your beautiful bod.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re sick, you know that?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, you\u2019re makin\u2019 me hot<\/em>! And I\u2019m not the only one. There are a few hundred people out there watchin\u2019 you scramble eggs and fry real bacon.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you kidding me?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNope. Turn back around, Blintz, keep cookin\u2019. Let\u2019s see a little hip action, some bump and grind. We\u2019ve got sophisticated viewers here. And some comments, too. Listen to this, \u2018Wow, that\u2019s the best Christmas present I ever got! Thanks!!!\u2019 With three exclamation points from Dallas, Texas.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m shocked.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo you\u2019re not, you\u2019re tickled pink, don\u2019t try to kid me. You\u2019re as vain as you always were and you love it that people want to look at your assets.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy assets<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cJust keep that apron in place, Blondie. I don\u2019t mind people ogling your excellent cheeks and those forever long legs but the rest of your equipment is mine<\/em>. Nobody gets to see the cock \u2018n\u2019 balls but me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSick, sick, sick.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re gettin\u2019 too static, Hutch, give us a few dance moves. Try some of those steps they taught us at Arthur Murray.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you broadcasting sound, Starsk? Can people hear us?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2018Course not, buddy, relax. It\u2019s just me and you here. And a few hundred\u2026 oh, shit!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe just went viral.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does that mean?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat there are a whole buncha people out there lookin\u2019 at you scoot around naked in our kitchen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDoesn\u2019t anybody have better things to do on Christmas morning?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cApparently not.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s sad.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think it\u2019s beautiful. They<\/em> think you\u2019re<\/em> beautiful. Listen to this. \u2018Wish I had those hot crossed buns on my breakfast table this morning. Beverly Hills, California.\u2019 And here\u2019s another one, \u2018I\u2019m buying my husband a membership in a fitness club tomorrow. I want an ass like that under my Christmas tree next year. Peoria, Illinois.\u2019 Oh, here\u2019s a shortie, \u2018Merry Christmas, Sweet Cheeks! Alexandria, Virginia\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBreakfast\u2019s almost ready, Starsk. Want to turn that off now?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t Hutch, we\u2019ll offend and disappoint our audience.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStarsk\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHere\u2019s a good one, \u2018Can we make this an annual event, please? I\u2019ll get through the next twelve months easy if I can look forward to another Christmas evening like this. Sydney, Australia\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood grief.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey want you to dance some more, Hutch. \u2018Shake, shake, shake your booty, baby. Brussels, Belgium.\u2019 And here\u2019s one you\u2019ll like, \u2018You can waltz into my kitchen any time you want, Mr. Astaire. Honolulu, Hawaii\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s nice.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTold you. Hey, they\u2019re comin\u2019 in fast now. \u2018Love the tan line, sugar. Des Moines, Iowa\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat tan line?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2018If I send you my address can I share your\u2026 recipes? Lincoln, Nebraska.\u2019 Damn! This one\u2019s in French, I can\u2019t read it. This one isn\u2019t, \u2018Do you give cooking lessons? I\u2019m available to study under you any time. Anchorage, Alaska\u2019.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cStarsk, breakfast\u2019ll be ruined if I don\u2019t serve it now.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDish it on up then, I\u2019ll keep streamin\u2019. \u2018Great legs!\u2019 this one says, \u2018and what they\u2019re attached to ain\u2019t bad either. New York, New York.\u2019 I gotta agree with those words.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOne more\u2026 Nope, that\u2019s it. We\u2019re done, outta here. That\u2019s all, folks! Sayonara. Say goodnight, Gracie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy? What\u2019s wrong, Starsk. What did they say?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLose the apron.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A little humor
\nwith ageless beautiful men
\non Christmas morning<\/p>\n

END<\/p>\n

\"viral-image\"<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Christmas morning, 2016. \u201cStarsky, what are you doing?\u201d \u201cI\u2019m takin\u2019 your picture.\u201d \u201cWhile I\u2019m standing here naked?\u201d \u201cMostly naked, Hutch. You\u2019re wearing a strategically placed apron.\u201d \u201cAn elf apron you gave me last night as I recall.\u201d \u201cYou recall correctly.\u201d … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5,13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-76","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fic","category-slash"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=76"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":231,"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/76\/revisions\/231"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=76"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=76"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/advent.starskyhutchcalendar.net\/2016\/calendar\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=76"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}