December 23rd: An Idée Fixe by BethLange

Hutch has an addiction. Starsky, of course, is the most supportive of partners.

“Starsky…”

“Mm?”

“Starsky!”

“Huh? Wha…? Sorry, Hutch, I’m tryin’ to finish this damn report. Dobey’s gonna kill me if I don’t get it whipped into shape before the Commissioner gets here. If you can just wait for a…?”

“But Starsk…”

Sound of increased respiratory activity.

“Hey, babe, hey! You’re hyperventilatin’! Whassamatter? Gimme a second and I’ll be right with you.”

Sound of file being slapped down on the desk.

“Starsky! Just look, dammit, would you?” (through gritted teeth)

Long drawn-out sigh from Starsky. “Okay, okay. Don’t get yourself in a twist. Lemme see…Oh no!”

Quickly smothered gasp. “Aw, Hutch! This is the UB file! Why didn’t you say?”

Sound of chair scraping loudly on the floor.

“C’mon blintz, how bad is it, huh?”

“B-b-bad, Starsk. Real bad.”

“Okay, let’s get outta here. Let’s get you up on those feet. There you go, atta boy!”

Sound of office door opening.

“Starsky! Hutchinson! In here. NOW!”

“D-damn!”

“Geez! Aw, Hutch, not fast enough. Now we’re gonna get it.”

“God, Starsk, I need…”

Sound of barely concealed whimper.

“Don’t sweat it, babe…” (Whispered) “Hold on. I’ll do all the talking.”

“Uh, Cap’n, Hutch ‘n’ me just got a new lead on that UB case. Y’know the top secret one the Feds gave us to chase up? Know it’s short notice but we’ve gotta get back on it right now. You know what they’re like if we don’t jump the minute they contact us an’…”

Sound of a grunt.

“You two clowns think I don’t know what you’re up to?”

Sound of fist thumping the desk.

“Just get out of here, the pair of you. Don’t want to see your faces before…what time, Hutchinson?”

“Uh, tomorrow morning, C-captain. That should give us enough t-time to…”

“Right. Make sure I see you both here no later than eight tomorrow. Got that?”

“Sure thing, Cap’n. Got it. C’mon Hutch. Let’s go hit those…uh…streets.”

“Everything ready, Starsk?”

“Yeah, got it all together this morning. Y’know, just in case.” (Also whispered)

Sound of an exhalation of relief.

“Don’t worry, Blondie. Everythin’s here, under the desk in my gym b–”

“Hurry please, Starsk! Can’t wait much longer. Did you remember the…?”

“‘Course I did! Did ya think I’d forget something that important?”

“The citrus one?”

“Yep.”

“The one with just a hint of herbal…”

“That’s it, right here in the gym bag, along with your favorite washcl– huh?”

Sound of Starsky cursing. (Untranslatable dialogue.)

“What? What!? Starsky! What’s wrong?”

“Jesus, Hutch! It ain’t here! It’s gone!”

Sound of Dobey’s office door opening. Sound of footsteps approaching.

“And don’t forget your BFT!”

Sound of gym bag hitting the top of Starsky’s desk.

Hard.

“I’m not an unreasonable man, Starsky. I know you’ve missed your weekend off, and I don’t mind cutting my men a bit of slack — especially with your partner’s unfortunate conditi — but if you leave this out in the open for all and sundry to find…

…they’ll all want it too!”

Sound of Dobey’s office door slamming behind him.

All?

Want the…?

Gym bag is open.

Astonished glances are exchanged.

“Oh, God…he knows!” They breathe in unison.

Silence.

More silence.

“Um… Starsk?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s a BFT?”

“No clue…”

Sound of two shrugs. (Yes, shrugs *do* make a sound.)

Sound of Dobey’s door opening again.

“That’s BIG FLUFFY TOWEL to you, Hutchinson!!”

“We have to go, now, Starsk! Now!”

“Right behind ya, babe…” (Snickers)

And after that we’re done with those ‘streets’ we can both hit the sheets.

End

*** For the uninitiated, the UB file refers to ‘Unnecessary Bathing.’ A classic trope I decided to explore a little further.

***”If you want to survive out here, you’ve got to know where your towel is.”- Ford Prefect. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy 

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