December 18th-The Cost of a Touch by ksstarfire

“That does it!” When Hutch stopped for a red light, Starsky got out of Hutch’s car and started walking down the sidewalk.

Hutch found a place to park, got out of the car, and ran after his partner. He reached out and grabbed Starsky’s arm, only to have him pull sharply away.

“Oh, no you don’t!”

“What are you talking about, Starsk?” Hutch had to walk faster to keep up with Starsky. “What’s wrong with you?” He again reached out to touch his friend’s arm, only to have Starsky whirl on him, fire in his eyes.

“You wanna know what’s wrong with ME?!” Starsky’s face got red. He looked like he was about to have a stroke. “What’s wrong with YOU?!”

They stood on the sidewalk staring at each other. One had anger on his face and one with confusion painting his. They stared at each other for a few minutes. Hutch finally broke eye contact and took a step away from Starsky. He looked around, and then turned back.

“There’s a park with some picnic tables over there.” He pointed. “How about we go sit down and talk about whatever is going on?” He had noticed a small market when he had looked earlier. “I’m gonna go in here and see what they have to drink. Go on over and find a place we can sit down. I’ll be right there.”

Glad to see his partner head for the park, Hutch walked into the store. He thought he had an idea of what was wrong and needed a few minutes alone to compose himself and figure out how he wanted to handle the coming potential confrontation.  He noticed the store sold beer and picked up a cold six-pack. Before he paid for the beer, he also picked out a bag of Starsky’s favorite chips.

Heading across the street, he saw Starsky sitting at a picnic table. His head was bowed and his shoulders looked like they carried the weight of the world on them.

He sat down on the bench on the opposite side of the table. Handing Starsky a cold beer, he opened the bag of chips and set it in the middle of the table.

For a few minutes, neither spoke, just sipped their beer and ate a few chips. Both stared anywhere but at the other.

After a few silent sips of his beer, Hutch spoke. “What’s going on, Starsk?”

“You tell me, Hutch.”

“Are we going to play twenty questions? Or are you going to tell me what’s upset you?” Hutch took another sip of his beer. He set the bottle on top of the table and began to peel the label off it with his thumb nail.

Sitting quietly for a few seconds more, Starsky looked at Hutch, then back out at the trees in the park. He took a deep breath and said, “Why don’t you want me to touch you?” He kept his head turned away as he asked his question.

“What are you talking about?”

“Oh, come on, Hutch! Every time I’ve tried to touch your arm, shoulder, or any other part of you, you jerk away!”

“I do not!”

Starsky reached out to take Hutch’s hand, only to watch him pull it out of reach.

“Right.” Starsky looked away as he said this flatly.

Closing his eyes and biting his lower lip, Hutch took a deep breath. “Look Starsk, it’s not you. I… I… I just…” He trailed off and shook his head.

“You…? What?” Starsky stared intently at Hutch. He wasn’t going to let this go. He wanted answers, and he was determined to get them; even if he had to beat them out of his partner. After all the years they had touched each other in some way or another, he wanted to know why Hutch had decided it wasn’t going to happen anymore. “Why can’t I touch you? But you reached out and tried to touch me twice in the last ten minutes?! What’s going on? I think, after all these years, I deserve to know why my touch has suddenly become so abhorrent to you!” He kept staring at Hutch, waiting for an answer to his question.

Taking another drink, Hutch set the beer on the table and continued to peel at the label. He knew he had to tell Starsky… something. The truth… or something else? Trouble was, he hadn’t been able to come up with any answer but the truth. He felt Starsky’s gaze boring into him and realized his time had run out.

“Starsk… I don’t know how to tell you this.” Hutch shrugged and looked right at Starsky for the first time.

“Since when don’t you know how to tell me anything? Why the trouble now?” Starsky didn’t remove his penetrating look from Hutch’s face. “Just talk to me! I’m imaging all kinds of things, for Pete’s sake! Just spit it out!”

After hesitating a few seconds, Hutch quietly said, “I don’t want you to touch me because I… I… I get turned on.” He had spoken the last few words very softly.

“What? I didn’t hear what you said. You’re gonna have to speak up.”

“I said… I… when you touch me… I get turned on.” Hutch couldn’t hold his partner’s gaze. He lowered his eyes and watched the label as he peeled it off the bottle in small strips.

Starsky sat there, staring at Hutch, the man he had known for over ten years. The man who’s life he had saved and who had saved his more than once, and didn’t know which thought whirling around his brain he should grab. Finally he spoke, “You wanna run that by me one more time?”

Standing up, Hutch picked up his beer bottle and started to walk away. “Forget it. It’s not important. Let’s get going, Dobey is expecting us.”

“Stop right there!!”

The tone of Starsky’s voice stopped Hutch in his tracks. But he kept his back turned toward Starsky. He realized his shoulders had slumped and he straightened them and stood almost as if he were at attention.

“Look at me!”

Slowly, very slowly, Hutch turned. He finally lifted his eyes to meet Starsky’s eyes. He blinked and wet his lips with his tongue. He saw his partner follow the path of his tongue and kept from licking them again, even though they were very dry.

Starsky stood and walked over to stand about a foot away from Hutch. He kept his blue-eyed gaze locked on Hutch’s. His eyes searched those light blue ones. When he was sure Hutch was not going to bolt, he softly said, “I want you to tell me what you said, again. And I want you to tell me just exactly what you meant by it. We’re not leaving here until you come clean and answer my questions.”

Looking at Starsky, Hutch knew he wasn’t kidding. He knew it was time to tell him what was going on, and risk ending, not only their partnership, but most probably their friendship. “Can we… sit back down?” All of a sudden Hutch felt an overwhelming weakness. He didn’t think he could stand in front of the most important person in his life and watch that person run away from him.

Starsky nodded his agreement and moved back to his former place at the table. But he kept his eyes on Hutch, making sure he didn’t bolt.

Following Starsky, Hutch sat back down at the table and put his beer bottle back on top of it. His gaze blurred as he stared at the bottle. He seemed to forget where he was, and that Starsky sat opposite him.

“Hutch?” Starsky had noticed Hutch’s unfocused eyes, so he spoke softly. When Hutch shook his head and looked at him, Starsky continued in that same soft tone. “Talk to me. Tell me what you meant by what you said.”

Taking a deep breath, Hutch began to speak, slowly and just as softly as Starsky had. “I don’t know when it started, Starsk. Honestly, I don’t know. All I know is, at some point in time, when you would touch me… I… I… my body got turned on.” He could feel the heat of a blush on his pale face, but couldn’t do anything about it. He glanced up to see Starsky’s eyes locked on his. He thought he saw a fire burning in them, but was afraid he was just seeing what he most desired to see.  When Starsky didn’t lower his gaze or speak, Hutch lowered his eyes and let out the breath he had been holding.

“Look, it doesn’t have to change anything, Starsk. Forget I said anything. We can just go on…”

“No.”

“’No’?” Hutch gulped down the pain as that simple word pierced his heart. “I… I understand, Starsky. I’ll talk to Dobey when we get back and put in for a transfer. That way you can…”

“Shut up, Blintz!” Starsky once again interrupted Hutch. Starsky stood and walked over to stand by where Hutch was sitting. He stood, looking down at that silky blond hair and Hutch’s slumped shoulders. How had he never noticed? Shaking off his thoughts he spoke to Hutch. “Stand up.” When Hutch didn’t move, Starsky reached down and put his hand under Hutch’s right arm, lifting up. “Stand up… please?”

When Hutch stood, Starsky took a step back but didn’t release his hold on Hutch’s arm. “Look at me, Hutch. Look in my eyes.” He waited and was finally glad to see Hutch raise his gaze. He looked into those eyes he knew as well as he knew his own. He was surprised to see how watery they looked. As he watched, a tear slipped out of Hutch’s right eye. Without even thinking, he reached up and caught the tear with his left thumb. He felt Hutch’s body stiffen when he touched his face.

He brought his thumb to his face and licked the tear off it. “Don’t cry. It tears my heart out to see you hurting.”

Hutch blinked back more tears and looked at Starsky. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Your tears tell me you meant what you said. You did mean what you said, didn’t you?”

“About being turned on by your touch?” When Starsky nodded yes, Hutch continued, “Yes, I meant it then, and I still mean it. When you touch me, it’s all I can do to keep from pulling your body against mine and kissing you, loving you, with all my heart and body.” Hutch gulped. “I love you, Starsk. I want to love you, in every sense of the word.”

Hutch watched Starsky standing there, watching him. He didn’t know what to think or feel. The decision on where to go from here was in Starsky’s court now.

Starsky looked around the park and realized they were shielded by trees all around. He couldn’t hear anyone else. He brought his gaze back to Hutch.

“So, you want to pull me close… like this?” Starsky reached out and pulled Hutch’s body against his.

Hutch gulped, but was inundated by so many intense feelings, he couldn’t say anything. He could only stand there, pressed hard against the object of his heart’s desire.

“Did you want to do this?” Starsky leaned in and pressed his lips to Hutch’s. He ran his tongue over the lips until they opened and slowly slipped his tongue inside, tasting Hutch, dueling with his tongue.

Standing there in shock, Hutch’s body shook and his penis grew to the point he was afraid it was going to break the zipper out of his jeans.

“And did you think about doing this?” Starsky kept one arm around his partner and ran the other hand down Hutch’s body, down until he was cupping Hutch’s very hard cock through his jeans. “Did you want to do this, too, babe?”

“Y… y… yes! Oh, God… yes! Starsk? Are you… is this a… tease?” Hutch’s body was shaking in Starsky’s arms. He didn’t know what to think. “Please… please, tell me what’s going on?”

Starsky kissed Hutch again, and felt the cock his hand was cupping grow even bigger. He smiled while he kissed him. Sometimes his partner could be pretty dense.

“Buddy, if you can’t tell that we’re about to leave this park, get in your car, and drive to your place, because it’s closer… then we’re gonna make love… you’re blonder than I think.” He watched the truth dawning in Hutch’s eyes and smiled.

“We… we are?”

When Starsky nodded he saw the biggest and brightest smile, ever, bloom on Hutch’s face.

Hutch leaned in and initiated his first kiss for Starsky. He took a deep breath, looked in those blue eyes which were shining with love and said, “Why are we still standing here?”

He took off running for his car as fast as he could, with a full-blown hard on in his pants. He glanced back to see Starsky running, with the same problem. His laughter was quickly joined by Starsky’s.

They drove all the way to his house, holding each other’s hands and hearts securely. And wearing smiles that they just couldn’t stop smiling.

FIN