‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Starsky paced slowly, “Where’s Hutch? What a louse!”
The stockings were hung by the cone fireplace with care,
In hopes that Ken Hutchinson soon would be there;
When out on the street there arose such a clatter,
Starsky sprang to the window to see what was the matter;
With a sputter, a backfire, and grinding of clutch,
Starsky immediately knew it was the man known as Hutch;
His eyes how they sparkled, legs long and lean,
He carried a pot steaming with soup called Black Bean;
Starsky sprang to the door, quickly grabbing the soup,
“What were you thinking? Black beans make me poop!”
“Enough with the health food! We’re eating cookies and candy!
If you want a smoothie, I’m spiking it with brandy.”
Starsky spoke not another word and went straight to his work,
Mixed Hutch a drink, and then turned with a jerk;
Then raising a finger, he exclaimed with delight,
“Let’s open presents! It’s Christmas Eve night!”
He presented dear Hutch with a gift, wrapped with great care,
Hutch smiled, shook it slightly, but uncovered no clue to what was there;
He secretly hoped for a plaid shirt or tight fitting sweat suit,
But knowing Starsky’s humor, it could be a stale cake of dried fruit;
Hutch clawed at the wrapping and began tearing it apart,
But Starsky stopped him, put his hand on his, and spoke straight from the heart;
“If I were a rich man, I would give you a sculpture of bronze.”
“Instead,” he grinned, “I bought you matching tight, red long johns!”
So off to the bathroom Ken Hutchinson flew,
To change into long johns, and Starsky did too;
Then, with a wink of his eye and a turn of his head,
Starsky announced there was a book to be read;
“Now, DASHER! now, DANCER! now, PRANCER and VIXEN!
On, COMET! on CUPID! on, DONNER and the BLONDE BLINTZ-EN!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away, dash away dash away all!”
Hutch grinned just a bit, and tousled Starsky’s mop,
He felt pretty blessed getting paired with this crazy cop;
Two detectives in tight, red long johns. What a glorious sight!
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.
Clever and awesome. I love parodies and this one is top notch. Thank you wonderful job
Thanks! The Night Before Christmas is one of my childhood favorites, and I somehow thought Starsky would love it too.
Heehee–matching red union suits.
That was great at! I think Hutch would look fabulous in red long johns, especially on Christmas night! 🙂
And that picture is hilarious, too!
Thanks! I can’t take any credit for the image. The elves created that one, and did a fantastic job.
Heeeee. Heeeee. This is awesome. Beans make him poop! That’s just hilarious and sooooo Starsky! And Starsky knows to give the kind of gift that’d that keep on giving — and the receiver is Starsky! 🙂
Thanks for your comment. Yes, everyone wins with a gift like that 🙂
“With a sputter, a backfire, and grinding of clutch,
Starsky immediately knew it was the man known as Hutch.”
Good one!
Thanks!
Very clever, witty and sweet. A great new version of the iconic poem. Well done and thanks for sending it to the calendar so that we can all enjoy it!
Thanks! I am a new fan, so I was absolutely delighted to be included in the calendar.
OMG, “What were you thinking? Black beans make me poop!” made me laugh out loud! Fun to read! Thank you!
Glad to hear it made you laugh! Thanks for the comment.
This was great!!
Thank you !
That was cute and fun!
Thanks so much!
omg! i loved all of it. you are very talented with words. don’t have one specific line that i liked, cause i liked all of them. thanks for sharing.
Thanks so much for your kind words.
This was fabulous! I especially like the mental image you left me with. 😉
OK-7: What an adorable version of Twas The Night Before Christmas. Fun and wonderful. The part about the Black Bean Soup made me laugh. So did Hutch’s jalopy making noise. That was clever!
Loved your poem!
Ursula Angstrom
Thanks so much for the comment. I had a lot of fun writing it.
This is absolutely hilarious and lovely! I too loved the reference to Hutch’s car. Also, the image of both of them with twin red long johns will stay with me forever. Thank you!
Thanks!
Matching red long johns, oh what a sight! Love it.
I have a grandfather teddy bear who holds a red book in his hands and reads ‘night before christmas’ to his teddy bear grandson sitting on his lap.
Cute! My grandfather used to read me The Night Before Christmas every year. I think that’s why I have such a fondness for it.
This is so funny and so sweet, and so ridiculously in character for something with a premise like this. Brilliant!
Oh, Bee, this was so much fun.
Best line, “With a sputter, a backfire, and grinding of clutch,
Starsky immediately knew it was the man known as Hutch.”
And the perfect present, too! Thanks so much for sharing!
What a sight indeed! It was filled with Christmas fun and Christmas spirit too. Thank you for this.