December 9th- A Loopy Christmas by D.P. Patricks

The 1990 short film, “12:01,” spawned numerous variations on the theme: being caught in a time loop. “Groundhog Day” is probably the best known example, but there were episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, The X-Files, a segment of Buffy, the Vampire Slayer, and a Stargate SG-1. There may have been others, but those are the ones I saw. Anachronistically, I wondered how Starsky and Hutch would react to being caught in a similar situation.

FIRST LOOP — Hutch

The mall was a zoo! Why did Starsky and I leave things so late? We’d never find anything now, it was only two days until Christmas. But we hadn’t had a day off in weeks, what with court appearances and stakeouts and hours and hours of paperwork. Not to mention last week’s major bust of the Donelli Family’s operation. Dobey finally took pity on us and gave us tonight. Of course, it helped that we said we’d do our best to find the two items he had yet to get for Cal and Rosie: a Light It Up light saber and a walking, talking Princess Leia doll, improved 1980 version. Where in this mess we were going to find them though was anybody’s guess.

Starsky was in his element. His eyes sparkled and he bounced on the balls of his feet. If only I could bottle his energy at this time of year, the world could live off it the other three hundred sixty four days.

“Hey, hey, Hutch! Look at this, will ya?” My late-thirties-going-on-twelve partner was staring into the toy store window. Inside, several model trains were running, simultaneously, around a complicated track, weaving onto and off of each other’s rails, over bridges and through tunnels. Engines sometimes missed cabooses by mere inches. It appeared to be the proverbial wreck waiting to happen, but the circuits continued without mishap.

I walked over to my best friend and put my hand on his shoulder, watching the chugging models with him. It made me happy to see Starsky full of joy. I’d buy the whole set up for him, if I could, to keep that smile on his face.

He reached up, took my hand off his shoulder, and spun, his fingers still gripping mine. “Didja see how close those…?” He looked in my eyes and something he saw there made him freeze. He caught his breath and dropped my hand as if he’d been burned.

I found myself unable to breathe. I had wanted us to take the next logical step in our relationship for a very long time, but had kept putting off the moment when I’d ask him his thoughts on the idea. Maybe that moment would never come and that was okay. What we had was too important, and too good, to risk. So I had kept my feelings to myself. I thought. But Starsky saw something and it triggered a light in his eyes I’d never seen before.

He stared at me, only inches separating us, in the middle of the night-before-Christmas-Eve madness. The canned carols being piped through the sound system much too loudly, blared in my ears. I was jostled by shoppers who never bothered to apologize. I felt as if I was in the eye of a hurricane, or a tornado. Everything around us swirled but I was lost in Starsky’s eyes.

I know I wanted to kiss him so badly I guess I was leaning forward. I’m pretty sure he was tilting toward me.

But at the very last moment, something made me realize where we were, and who we were. I straightened up quickly.

Starsky must have had the same epiphany because he stepped back at the same time I did. His face mirrored the flush I was sure mine showed and his eyes held near panic.

Seeing rapid movement in my peripheral vision, I looked into the store and saw two boys tussling over the train controls, shouting at each other. Adults converged, issuing orders and gesticulating. One of the boys threw a switch, while the other tried to prevent him from doing it and, in the struggle, other buttons were pushed, switches thrown.

Starsky and I watched, helplessly, as the massive wreck I had feared was coming, happened. Three multi-car models met at the same intersection. Chaos reigned.

SECOND LOOP – Starsky

Why, oh why, did we wait so long to do this, I wondered. Hutch had wanted to come last night but I was so tired from a grueling day on the witness stand, I had only wanted to go home, eat pizza, drink beer, and fall into bed.

So here we were at the mall, two nights before Christmas. Along with half a million other crazed shoppers, we were trying to find the perfect gift for each other, plus the two items Captain Dobey asked us to buy. The music was so loud, tinny, and hyper-happy, it nearly made me sick. I usually love Christmas carols and Winter Wonderland stuff. Not tonight.

Hutch was staring intently at a gorgeous folk guitar in the window of the music store. His had been in the repair shop for weeks. Diana Harmon had destroyed his beloved six-string years ago, so Huggy, Dobey, and I had gotten together to find a replacement that was as close a match as possible. Hutch had told us all he loved it, but I could tell every time he played it something wasn’t quite right. A few weeks ago he’d discovered what. The frets had been set so deeply in the neck, hairline cracks had developed under them. It was probably why we’d been able to afford the thing. Hutch had been lucky to find a guy dedicated to repairing worthwhile instruments but the wait could be months.

I’d give anything if I could buy him the one he was staring at.

Hutch turned suddenly and caught me looking at him. His expression was one of such longing, I almost stopped breathing. I wanted to take him in my arms and hold him, keeping all disappointment and hurt away. I loved him! I knew it in a flash. It wasn’t just a partnership and friendship any longer. It was love! And I thought I could see the same realization in his eyes.

We’d been best friends, partners, and pals since our first day at the academy. We’d worked, laughed and cried together. Even saved each other’s lives a few times. We’d been everything to each other. Well, nearly everything.

Now I was looking at Hutch and his gaze seemed to tell me he was feeling the same things. Did I really see it, or was I simply wishing and hoping?

I hadn’t moved consciously, but I found myself standing in front of him, our eyes still locked. I couldn’t look away. Don’t think he could either.

Before I managed to ruin both our careers by kissing my partner in the middle of a jam-packed mall, I blinked.

Hutch opened his eyes wide, as if waking up from a dream.

A piercing sound broke through my confusion as a young girl, maybe six or seven, came running down the mall, crying, pursued by an obviously harried woman. The girl threw herself on the tile floor near us and began to scream hysterically, pounding her fists on the hard surface. “Why can’t I have it?” she wailed. “I want it, I want it. I want it!”

Security guards and concerned shoppers crowded around. The girl’s voice climbed in pitch and intensity. She obviously reveled in being the cause of all the ruckus.

THIRD LOOP – Hutch

The mall was a zoo without critters. Maddened shoppers were out of their cages and Christmas was still two days away.

Starsky grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the space in the center of the atrium where Santa was enthroned, listening to children’s wish lists.

“Come on, Hutch,” Starsky said, cheerfully. “Sit on Santa’s knee and tell him what you want. Then I’ll bribe him to tell me.” He grinned with such childlike glee I couldn’t help but smile.

“No way I’m getting anywhere near that reprobate, Starsk,” I said, stopping in my tracks and pulling him back to stand beside me. “That’s Carl Alton, don’t you recognize him?”

Starsky looked more closely at the bleary-eyed excuse for Santa Claus, then turned back to me, exasperation and fury on his recently happy face. “Who’s bright idea was it to hire that drunken flasher for a gig like this?” He looked around, presumably for a mall cop. “We gotta call Security!”

“Wait a minute, Starsk,” I said, putting a calming hand on his arm. “They probably couldn’t get anybody else. I heard Babcock say there’s a shortage of Santas everywhere this year, what with the flu and all.”

“Yeah,” Starsky said, sounding only slightly mollified. He cast another doubtful glance at the bewhiskered Alton. “And the last time we heard from him he was getting counseling, doing community service.” He sighed. “I guess, as long as he’s not hurting anybody, it’ll be okay.”

He turned back to me, a wounded look in his midnight blue eyes. “I really did want to see you on Santa’s knee though, Hutch. I need to hear your heart’s desire.”

I fell into those deep blues and was lost. I’d tell him my heart’s desire if I had the courage. It was instantly difficult to breathe and I felt my fingers going numb. His eyes spoke to me, saying words I’d longed to hear but hadn’t dared hope for. Hadn’t stopped me from dreaming though. Dreams and fantasies I’d kept to myself, snug in my Maybe Someday World.

I felt Starsky put his hand on my arm but I didn’t break eye contact. His touch was like electricity and I thrilled to the voltage, amperage, whatever kind of charge it was. It literally turned me on!

A shriek tore through the noise of a thousand people.

I spun toward Santa’s throne. Carl Alton had fallen off the tall chair and was rolling down the red-carpeted stairs. His eyes were tightly closed in his flushed face, his neck drawn down into his padded costume. A small girl in a red velvet dress followed him down the steps, pounding on his shoulders, back, head, anything she could reach.

“Wait ’til I tell my daddy what you did, Santa,” she screamed. “Just you wait!”

FOURTH LOOP – Starsky

We’re never going to find anything in this crowd, I thought to myself. As much as I love Christmas, this year may ruin my spirit. I have no idea what to get Hutch, much less where to find the items Captain Dobey asked us to look for. Where is Hutch anyway?

I looked around and spotted him at the window of the electronics store. He’d found them! I hurried over. “Way to go, partner,” I said, happily.

Inside the store, a display held a rigid poster of Luke Skywalker, light saber held aloft, Princess Leia at his feet. The image was from the first film of course, but who cared? The sign on the table touted ‘The Light It Up Light Saber. Touch the first button and illuminate the shaft. Touch the second button to generate the distinctive sound. Batteries not included.’

On the other end of the table, another stand-up poster showed Princess Leia surrounded by Ewoks. ‘Be the first to own the new, improved walking, talking Princess Leia doll. Carrie Fisher’s voice offers six characteristic epithets, among them, “You’re a little short for a storm trooper, aren’t you?” Batteries not included.’

Unfortunately, the table was bereft of both light sabers and dolls.

Hutch couldn’t hide his disappointment.

“It’s okay, buddy,” I said. “This is a huge mall. Another store might have some left. Let’s keep looking.”

We began threading our way through the crowds. “What do Cal and Rosie want with dolls and light sabers anyway?” I asked, beginning to be frustrated and edgy for reasons I couldn’t even put my finger on. “Aren’t they too old for that kind of stuff?”

“Nobody’s ever too old for Star Wars,” Hutch replied, sagely. “I’m just glad Cal didn’t ask for a functional blaster.”

I smiled back. “Rosie might have wanted a life-sized stuffed bantha.”

Hutch laughed and put his arm around my shoulders. Walking past more stores, I felt his posture gradually stiffen and his muscles tense. He suddenly stopped and looked at me. “Starsk…” Uncertainty clouded his expression, his voice sounded confused. “Do you get the feeling we’ve done all this more than once?”

I stopped and stared at him, realizing he’d identified the cause of my own discomfort. “Yeah.”

“I think saw a train I wanted to get you,” he said. “But it crashed.”

“I wanted to buy you a guitar,” I told him. “But a bratty kid threw a tantrum.”

“There was something about a Santa Claus,” he said, puzzled.

I dragged him out of the press of people and into the recessed entrance to a vacant store. I felt myself begin to blush but fought it down. Forcing a calmness I didn’t feel, I looked into his questioning eyes. “I remember… I think… I wanted to kiss you.”

Hutch blinked, his mind unmistakably racing. He smiled softly. “And I wanted to kiss you.” He ducked his head self-consciously. “Think I almost did once.”

“Me, too.” I chuckled. “A couple of times.”

“But we stopped,” Hutch said.

“All hell broke loose right afterward, too,” I agreed. “Every time.”

“What if we really did it?” Hutch wondered out loud. “Could things get any worse than the craziness we think we’ve already seen?”

I shuddered. “Don’t ask.” I suddenly wanted to make the sign against the evil eye. Except I didn’t know the sign, and don’t believe in the ‘evil eye.’

I looked at him, as I think I remembered gazing at him at various times all night. I leaned toward him when he bent his head and, as if we could no longer fight the inevitable, our lips met. I was kissing my male partner. In an alcove of a packed shopping mall on the night before The Night Before Christmas. And it felt so absolutely right and perfect nothing was going to stop me except, possibly, a major earthquake.

I put my hands on his waist, to steady us, I guess. He put his hands on my shoulders, maybe to keep me from floating. His lips were as soft and sweet as I’d imagined, and I reveled in their touch.

I didn’t want to press my luck so I kept my mouth closed. I simply kissed the man I’d fallen in love with.

“Merry Christmas!” someone said heartily. I felt a pat on my back.

I broke away from Hutch, turning to look at the unknown man as he sent a friendly wave back and disappeared in the throng. I dropped my hands just as Hutch dropped his, but I couldn’t look at him. I felt his fingers graze my chin though and finally looked up, sheepishly.

“No chaos,” Hutch said, quietly. “No train wrecks, tantrums, or drunk Santa Clauses.” He smiled and I knew everything would be okay.

I also knew I had my answer about his gift. “I know what I want to give you for Christmas, Hutch,” I said, softly.

“Yeah?” he asked, all seriousness. “What’s that?”

“Me.”

“Aw, Starsk.” He wrapped his long arms around me and hugged me fiercely. “That’s so perfect. We’ll give each other…”

“Ourselves,” I finished, wrapping my arms around him. “I’ve wanted to for a long time, babe, I just haven’t had the courage. You already have my heart, but I want to give you my body and soul.”

“Don’t ever let anyone say you don’t have a way with words, partner,” Hutch said, his voice husky. “That was beautiful.”

I stepped back but kept my hands on his waist. “Then it’s okay?”

“It’s more than okay, Starsk,” Hutch said, his eyes glistening. “It’s what I’ve been dreaming of.” He kissed me again, very lightly. “You won’t be sorry.”

“What ‘sorry’?” I huffed. “Love means never having to say….” I grinned at him and he returned it, doubled.

I walked out of our alcove, put my arm around his shoulders and he put his around mine. It didn’t feel as if we needed to hurry, we had all the time in the world now.

As we approached the Barnes and Nobel store, a short, portly man in a green apron, beckoned to us. “Are you by any chance, Detectives Starsky and Hutchinson?” he asked, pointing at Hutch first, then me.

“He’s Starsky,” Hutch said, clearly trying not laugh in the good man’s face, “I’m Hutchinson.”

“Capital!” the little man said happily. “I have things for you.” He hurried into the store. I bowed Hutch in ahead of me, then followed, a hand lightly on his back. For some reason I needed to be in contact with him. I didn’t trust that we’d found our way out of whatever Twilight Zone situation we’d been in. Not yet. I was still a little spooked.

“Your captain called earlier,” the bookseller said as he made his way through the browsers toward the cashier’s counter. There was a long line of book-laden people waiting to pay. The helpful man reached underneath a table and brought out a large shopping bag. Holding it open, he displayed the contents cheerfully. “He said he’d tried every other store in the mall. So these must be the last ones.”

The much sought after Light Saber and Princess Leia doll were nestled in tissue paper inside the commodious parcel.

“I told him I’d save them for him,” the man said. “Then he explained that he’d asked his two best detectives to try and find them. He described you both perfectly.” He blushed a little. “He just didn’t tell me which one of you was which.”

“Happens all the time,” I said, nudging Hutch.

“How much do we owe you, sir?” Hutch asked, pulling out his wallet.

“Oh, it’s all taken care of,” the man assured him. “Your captain gave me his credit card. The receipt’s in the bag.” He smiled. “Along with two sets of fresh batteries.”

“Thank you, sir,” Hutch said, putting his wallet back in this pocket.

“My pleasure,” the man said, holding out the bag. “Name’s Garrison, in case you need to bring either item back.”

“No chance of that, sir.” I took the handles. “These are going to a good home.”

“Thanks, Mr. Garrison,” Hutch said. “We’ll be sure and tell Captain Dobey what a help you’ve been.”

“Merry Christmas, Detectives,” the elfin book pusher said, turning to help the next customer in line.

Hutch put his arm back around my shoulders as we walked out of the store. He glanced at his watch and I could tell from the tension in his posture that he was a little nervous about our next step. I slipped my free arm around his waist.

“I’m going to take the initiative here, buddy,” I said, lightly, “and suggest we go back to my place.”

“Suits me, Starsk.” Hutch actually sounded relieved. “Anywhere away from these crowds. And whatever was causing that… repetition.”

I couldn’t have agreed more.

We were passing the music store when a young clerk darted out, stopped in front of Hutch and held a Polaroid photo up next to my partner’s startled face. “Yep,” the man said, proudly. “You’re the one.”

“‘The one’ what?” Hutch asked, guardedly.

“The winner of tonight’s drawing!” The clerk grabbed Hutch’s elbow and began dragging him toward the store.

Hutch stopped in his tracks, halting the startled man’s progress.

“What’s wrong?” the guy asked. “You’ve won the guitar!”

“What guitar?” I said, since Hutch appeared speechless.

“The one he was looking at earlier,” the clerk explained. “Every day this week, we’ve taken pictures of each person who stared at the guitar in the window for more than thirty seconds.” He gestured toward a lovely instrument, the one Starsky thought he remembered Hutch gazing at during some point in his foggy, fuzzy memory. “Then, just before closing, we draw the winning photo.” He pointed at Hutch. “Tonight, it’s you!”

Hutch shook off the youngster’s hand and smiled. “Thanks, but you can draw another picture.”

I was flabbergasted. Hutch had just won the guitar of his dreams and he wasn’t going to take it? “Hutch….”

He turned to me, a look of such peace in his eyes, I thought I might cry. “I have a guitar, sir,” Hutch said quietly, never looking away from my astonished gaze. “It was given to me by my three best friends. It’s in the shop right now but, as soon as it’s well, it’ll be the best one I’ve ever owned.”

He turned back to the stunned clerk. “You can give yours to someone else.”

Hutch turned back to me and his eyes poured love into my soul.

“I have everything I could ever want, right now,” he said, loudly enough for the clerk to hear. He bent and took the handles of the Barnes and Nobel bag from me, holding my eyes. “Let’s go home, Starsk,” he whispered.

My throat was full of tears but I managed to get the words past them. “You read my mind, partner.”

I waved at the clerk who’d probably never had anyone turn down a prize before. “Merry Christmas, kid.”

Hutch and I went home and discovered what gift giving and receiving were all about.

END

Happy Holidays to all of you who keep Starsky and Hutch alive.