May, 1979, Police garage parking lot: Starsky
Damn! Someone’s frying their tires. A wheel alignment job’s coming right up.
“Starsky, get down.”
What?
Holy shit! Is that an M3? How the heck did cops-
They ain’t cops.
Fuck the protocols.
If Hutch thinks I’m gonna duck and let him take the fall…
You may get me, but you won’t get my partner. Not on my watch. Meet David Michael Starsky, you shit-heads!
Glass!
Christ! Is it the Torino’s?
What am I doing on the ground?
I think I’ve hit my head on the wheel.
I shot back at them. Did I hit the glass, instead?
Jeez, my head aches like a bitch.
Damn! My wheels are covered with rust.
How’s that even possible when I spent half my paycheck for the damn Magnum 500 chrome set. They came with a life-time warranty. I’m gonna get my money back.
How come there’s rust on the ground?
Rust is red but not this red.
Holy cow! It’s blood. Whose blood?
Shit!
They were shooting at us. They were shooting at Hutch! Good thing I didn’t get down.
Blondie’s gonna be mad at me. There’d be hell to pay when we get home tonight. He’s gonna have my hide for not following procedure!
But where’s Hutch?
HUUUUTCH?
Blood– Is this Hutch’s blood?
No, no, noooo. They’ve got him. He’s hurt.
Where the hell are you? Talk to me.
Hutch has gotten shot and I can’t even get up to go look for him. Damn head hurts like hell and I can’t feel my legs. How hard did I fall against the wheel?
I’m coming, buddy. Just hold on.
Hutch?
Answer me, partner!
Talk to me, you bastard!
Hutch! Huuuuutch!
I can’t hold on for any long. It’s getting dark… cold. Why can’t I breathe?
What’s happening?
Hutch!
Hutch?
Hutch.
Hutch’s dead… because I couldn’t get to him. Those men, got to be hit men. Whoever they were, they got him.
And I am still here.
Not for long.
I have to find Hutch. What the fuck am I doing in a hospital? All bandaged up, with all those tubes. Gah!
Wait!
If I am on the bed, down there, how could I also be sitting all the way up here, on a floating bench?
If Hutch was alive, and I’m in a hospital, he would’ve been right beside my bed. He’s nowhere to be seen.
Why?
Hutch is dead! That’s why!
I’ve got get out of here. I need to go find Hutch. He has to be somewhere around here… sitting on another bench waiting for me.
Whoa! What’s this?
This ain’t the hospital. Looks like a big empty mansion. How did I come here and why? Not that I’m complaining. I just wanna know whether I’m dreamin’ or if this is for real?
Helloooooo! Anybody hear me?
Lots’a white bundles all over the place. Looks just like Eskimo igloos, ‘cept these are smaller, nicer, and everywhere.
Feels good. It’s kind’a peaceful, calm and quiet. No bleepin’ machines, no chaos; far away from the frickin’ hospital smell. I’ll never go there again. No reason to– Hutch ain’t there anymore.
He’s gone. I can’t go back because I failed my partner, and now he’s dead.
What kind of walls are these—white marble? Why can’t I feel it?
Where the hell are my arms?
What the fuck– Where’s my body? If my body ain’t here with me, how am I moving? If I don’t have my body, how am I thinking? If I don’t have eyes, how can I see?
Are you sure you are moving?
Wha– Who’s that?
Good question. But the most important one is, what are you doing here?
I just kind’a stumbled upon this place. Looks nice. Can I stay here?
It’s not your time, yet. Like you said, you just stumbled upon the place.
There’s nothing for me to go back to.
Are you sure?
If I’m talking to someone here, why can’t I see you? Are you hiding somewhere?
You aren’t really talking to a person.
Now… I know this is weird, even for me. I do have a colorful imagination, but this’s too much. I don’t really have a body. So… I can’t be talking—right? But then how are my questions being answered? Whoever that’s talking to me, I don’t hear you, but I understand you. It’s like… answers just float into me. Knowledge seems to come to me whenever I think of a question. So… does that mean you are the universe?
Seems like you are not just brawn after all.
Tell that to my partner. Have you seen him around here?
I see everyone. Everywhere.
What are these white thingies?
They were once like you, but now they’re waiting.
For what?
Until they can move on to their next destination.
Like me?
You have to go back.
There’s nothing for me to go back to. Hutch is dead.
How do you know?
He isn’t where he’s supposed to be.
And you think you are?
I am here. Ain’t I? Where else should I be?
Do you want to stay here?
I have to find my partner. I can’t stay or move on or do anything until I find him. Where the hell is Hutch?
What the—
How did I get back to the hospital? Where’s the white marble mansion? Does this mean that I only have to think where I have to be, and I get transported, automatically?
Cool!
‘Cept, I still can’t see Hutch.
Jesus Christ! What the fuck are they doing to me? Shocking my heart?
Am I dead? Of course, I am dead. I decided to not go back.
Hutch isn’t there anymore. There’s no one for me to go back to. I need to get to the marble palace. I might get answers from Mr. Universe.
This is getting easier. I think I’m getting the hang of it.
You are back.
I’m dead. I should be here. Why else am I here? Why isn’t Hutch here?
Should he be here?
If this is kind’a crossroad we have to be in, before moving on, Hutch would be here for me. He wouldn’t leave.
You have your answer.
He didn’t die. Is that what you’re tryin’ to tell me? Or has he moved on without waiting for me? No. Hutch wouldn’t do that. Would he?
That’s for you to find out. And remember… If you truly want to, you can stay here.
I have to find Hutch. Why can’t you understand that? He’s somewhere in the hospital. I need to go there. I need to find him.
I’m sick of going back and forth.
I know and I feel that the dimension of time is very different wherever I am right now. Minutes, seconds doesn’t mean a thing. For all I know, all of this may have happened in less than a second.
Everyone’s staring at my body. Dobey, Huggy, and the whole precinct are watching my last moments.
Hutch? I can see Hutch! Running… he’s running… he thinks it’s too late. I can… I can feel him. His heart is beating wildly in a state of a despair. He thinks he’s lost me.
Ah, Hutch! Don’t go there. Not on another guilt trip. It’s not your fault.
God! Please… don’t do this to him. Please… he’s lost.
Guilt and grief will bury him alive in a sea of hopelessness. He keeps on seeing me being gunned down. It’s playing over and over in his head like a looped film reel. Anger and darkness is taking over his soul. No… no! Don’t!
It’s him against everyone else. He’s sinking fast and furiously. If I don’t get back to him, a whole lotta dead bodies are gonna get piled up in the morgue.
I have to get back into my body before it’s too late. I only have to think of it—right?
My body — my body — my body. Take me back to my body.
Shit!
I’m back in the white room. This ain’t where I wanna be.
It’s not your time to go back, either.
You told me earlier that I have to go back. And I want to because Hutch is over there. He is alive.
Yes, but not before you know what you are truly going back to. I’m giving you a choice. I can show you what you’d have to tolerate; I can show you the pain you’d have to endure, if you return.
Pain?
Yes… endless hours of therapy and hospital visits, dependence on others for the seemingly simplest tasks, a bleak future that can’t be ignored, where uncertainty is the only thing that’s certain.
What — How’s this – Pain… How can I feel it when I don’t have a body?
Stop.
STOP!
I can’t breathe, I can’t… I can’t even think. This is worse than anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s a million times worse than the stomach ache I got after eatin’ Aunt Rosa’s chicken soup. Even what Bellamy’s poison did to me was a park in the walk… I mean– walk in the park, compared to… Aarrghh! Stop this!
This is what you’d be going back to.
Stop it. Stop. I can’t go through this.
You felt only one tenth of one percent of what you’d have to face, if you go back.
IF I decide to go back? You don’t get it do you? There’s no IF here. I AM GOING BACK.
Why?
This’s nuthin’. This’s nuthin’ compared to what Hutch’d suffer if I’m not with him.
You still want to go, despite what I have shown how and what it could be like for you?
I can suffer anything and everything. If I don’t go back, Hutch… he’ll never be the same again. Don’t you understand? I want to be with him. I belong– with him– to him.
You are sacrificing your eternal happiness for a life full of pain, dread, frustration, and uncertainty.
I want to be with Hutch. He needs me. I need him. This cannot be the last memory he has of me. It’s gonna kill him.
So be it. However, before you leave, I have one more question for you.
T’rrific. Do we have to do this now? I’m dyin’ there for all I know.
If there’s one thing that you’d want to have, one thing that you’d wish for, what would that be?
There are lots’a things I can wish for. I can give you a list of hundred.
Give me what you want the most.
There’s this one thing that I wish didn’t happen. Hutch — he was kidnapped one time, and drugged. I want that to not have happened.
Ah! I think you misunderstood. The past cannot be changed. What’s been done cannot be undone, but the future is in your hands.
What now… you turned into a genie or somethin’? Are you gonna grant me a wish?
I might.
Thought you were the universe. Don’t you know what I’d want?
That’s what I was afraid of. Why does it have to be all about him?
To be continued…
Wow, Sammy, there’s so much in this! Starsky’s first thought is to protect Hutch. Knowing something’s wrong because “Hutch would be there for me. He wouldn’t leave.” And Starsky willing to go back no matter the cost to himself because Hutch needs him. Definitely a heart squish.
The bond between them is so tight that there’s no way one can really be away from the other. Glad you liked it! 🙂
Starsky pouring out the love. It’s just beautiful. I especially enjoyed that he sounds just like Starsky, with his sense of humor at the most difficult times. I’m looking forward to the continuation.
Starsky is ‘Starsky’ 😀 Hell, heaven or in-between, where-ever — his sense of humor will keep him going.
Oh the heartbreak and confusion. The style lends perfectly to the other worldly feeling. My very favorite part is that what Starsky wants more than anything is for Hutch to not have gone through the heroin ordeal. That shows just exactly how Starsky feels about Hutch. Sigh……
Starsky could’ve asked for anything- and lots of unfortunate things had happened to him in the past- But I think, how Hutch was violated left a scar on Starsky that can never be erased– and hurts more than anything else.
Unique and creative view of SR, all from Starsky’s POV.
Starsky had to know/see what was going on for him to come back–
(I’m not speaking in the medical language 😉 )
Oh, wow, you just made SR terrifying in a whole new way. I love your simple, but powerful descriptions, especially in the first scene, and I can’t wait to see where this is going.
Thank you, Calliatra! I couldn’t wait until I was done with this, too– 🙂 Hope you’d enjoy the rest of the story as well. We all are SR junkies one way or the other 😉
Quite clever, giving us Starsky’s POV and his desperation to help/be there for Hutch. Looking forward to the rest!
Starsky’s whole life is about protecting Hutch (just like Hutch is all about Starsky) — Don’t have enough words to describe that kind of love!
Exceptional Part 1, Sammy. And, as said above, unique perspective (at least from all the stories I’ve read, so far); what Starsky was thinking and going through during the ordeal. We’ve had everybody else’s views, emotions and heartache, but never knew what Starsky was feeling/thinking/wanting. Now we do. Well done! We’re all holding our collective breath to read the next ‘chapter.’ Thanks for this one!
Thank you so much, Pat! I had started this one a while back, but had not continued — There many stories in my ‘Incomplete’ folder 😀
It’s hard to write in Starsky’s POV, until he gain consciousness, but the way how everything went, Starsky should’ve known what was going on– he just had to! I’m so happy you liked this one. 🙂
Their first thoughts are always about the other one!!!
Starsky can’t die and leave Hutch alone, because he knows
that Hutch can’t live without him…!!!
Good work here, Sammy!!!
;D
Exactly!!! That’s exactly what I wanted to show. That there’s no way one can survive without the other, and one way or the other, they’ll be together.
Thank you, Bee! 🙂
I was going to say almost exactly what Bee said. I’ve always thought that the reason they survived all they’ve been through was because the will to not leave the other alone, guilt ridden, and broken, overpowered whatever was killing them. Excellent POV to explore this. I was breathless by the end. Can’t wait for part 2!
I’m with you on that! It’s just not one life- it’s two lives together- so destroying one part would never really take away that life because the latter would keep the former going.
This is beautifully heartwrenching! I’m with everyone else in saying that Starsky sounds perfectly himself, his determination and persistance above all, but also his humor. I love how much feeling is put in this, it really can be perceived.
Also, I’m with you in saying that what happened to Hutch left an indelible scar on Starsky. It did on me too, to be honest, and that particular event had a sense of irreversibility that’s hard to accept, especially for Starsky.
Again, beautiful.
Thank you so much for your lovely comment, tsilvy!
Getting hurt, physically or mentally, at the hands of another, is always a violation – But what Forest and thugs did to Hutch is far more worse than anything that had happened to them. Not than any of the other were less horrific, but…
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Loving the anticipation, Sam!
I am waiting until all of your story is on the calendar before I read it. It’s like waiting for Christmas presents to come on Christmas Day!
I peeked and looked at the comments, (but not the story.) This is going to be good….
I always like to jiggle the packages under the tree and try to guess what’s in the boxes.
This is fun! Thanks for the flashback to a good memory effect.
Ursula
You are really sweet, Ursula! 🙂 Taking time to write– to say that your comments are coming 🙂 Awww, you! Thank you!
I don’t read stories until they are done, too. Sometimes I can’t help myself, though :)– sometimes I start reading and then it’s too late to stop.
Hang in there- There are only 4 parts!
Pingback: December 16th- Undying Love by Sam KW (Part 3) | Starsky & Hutch Advent Calendar 2015
“Guilt and grief will bury him alive in a sea of hopelessness” and “this’s nuthin” compared to what Hutch’d suffer if I’m not with him” both really hit home for me as to how Starsky would feel in this situation. His concern over dying has nothing to do with his own suffering; he’s only concerned about what it would do to Hutch. Gut wrenching beginning, Sammy! Can’t wait for the next piece.
That’s how I see him, too. Nothing ever matters as long as Hutch is ok. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts, Ly!
Of course, it has to be all about him. That’s how they roll. Very nice, Sammy. Such a unique look at SR. Totally agree with the other comments. Can’t wait to read the rest.
Thank you, WF! 🙂 You started right on time because all 4 parts are posted now.
I’m blown away by this Sam. I love how you structured it. Wow… Just wow. You did a fantastic job. 🙂
Thank you, Kate! 🙂 That’s such a nice thing to say.
Big sigh. I both love and hate this. I love the story. Hate to have to wait. Very nicely written and so very in character. Thank you. Can’t wait to get to the rest of the story.
Sorry for the late posting. I finally got some days off in a row and get to run through all the days I missed.
This is a busy time — and then this being the last week before Christmas everyone’s crazy busy. But… as all 4 parts are posted now, you don’t have to wait. 🙂