Christmas morning, 2016.
“Starsky, what are you doing?”
“I’m takin’ your picture.”
“While I’m standing here naked?”
“Mostly naked, Hutch. You’re wearing a strategically placed apron.”
“An elf apron you gave me last night as I recall.”
“You recall correctly.”
“Wait a minute. Isn’t that the phone I gave you? The first present you ripped open an hour ago?”
“Sure is.”
“I thought we were going to read the manual together, later. Check out all the new features.”
“Couldn’t wait. Wanted to take pictures of your gorgeous body.”
“My old body, you mean.”
“Your body doesn’t look old, Hutch. You might not be as ripped as you were forty years ago but you’re still in damn good shape. I mean, look at those beautiful buns, those sculpted thighs, that broad, muscular back, that velvety…”
“Starsk, why are you still taking pictures? Breakfast is almost ready and you’ve wasted enough pixels to fill an eight gig thumb drive.”
“I’m not takin’ individual pictures, Hutch.”
“Then what are you doing?”
“I’m streamin’ you.”
“You’re what?”
“You heard me.”
“I’m naked here, Starsky!”
“That’s what’s so beautiful, babe.”
“Wait, isn’t that illegal? To broadcast nudity on television. Or the internet?”
“Frontal maybe, not this. A bare butt was probably a shock when David Caruso got away with it on NYPD Blue. These days? Not so much.”
“I didn’t think you knew how to get on the internet with that thing.”
“I didn’t. But I started fiddling while I was watchin’ you cook and asked myself, why shouldn’t others be able to see this paragon of sexiness, too? So I clicked a few icons and we’re live, babe.”
“Oh, my God, Starsky, you’re not showing my face are you?”
“‘Course not. Don’t worry. All they can see is your beautiful bod.”
“You’re sick, you know that?”
“No, you’re makin’ me hot! And I’m not the only one. There are a few hundred people out there watchin’ you scramble eggs and fry real bacon.”
“Are you kidding me?”
“Nope. Turn back around, Blintz, keep cookin’. Let’s see a little hip action, some bump and grind. We’ve got sophisticated viewers here. And some comments, too. Listen to this, ‘Wow, that’s the best Christmas present I ever got! Thanks!!!’ With three exclamation points from Dallas, Texas.”
“I’m shocked.”
“No you’re not, you’re tickled pink, don’t try to kid me. You’re as vain as you always were and you love it that people want to look at your assets.”
“My assets?”
“Just keep that apron in place, Blondie. I don’t mind people ogling your excellent cheeks and those forever long legs but the rest of your equipment is mine. Nobody gets to see the cock ‘n’ balls but me.”
“Sick, sick, sick.”
“You’re gettin’ too static, Hutch, give us a few dance moves. Try some of those steps they taught us at Arthur Murray.”
“Are you broadcasting sound, Starsk? Can people hear us?”
“‘Course not, buddy, relax. It’s just me and you here. And a few hundred… oh, shit!”
“What?”
“We just went viral.”
“What does that mean?”
“That there are a whole buncha people out there lookin’ at you scoot around naked in our kitchen.”
“Doesn’t anybody have better things to do on Christmas morning?”
“Apparently not.”
“That’s sad.”
“I think it’s beautiful. They think you’re beautiful. Listen to this. ‘Wish I had those hot crossed buns on my breakfast table this morning. Beverly Hills, California.’ And here’s another one, ‘I’m buying my husband a membership in a fitness club tomorrow. I want an ass like that under my Christmas tree next year. Peoria, Illinois.’ Oh, here’s a shortie, ‘Merry Christmas, Sweet Cheeks! Alexandria, Virginia’.”
“Breakfast’s almost ready, Starsk. Want to turn that off now?”
“Can’t Hutch, we’ll offend and disappoint our audience.”
“Starsk…”
“Here’s a good one, ‘Can we make this an annual event, please? I’ll get through the next twelve months easy if I can look forward to another Christmas evening like this. Sydney, Australia’.”
“Good grief.”
“They want you to dance some more, Hutch. ‘Shake, shake, shake your booty, baby. Brussels, Belgium.’ And here’s one you’ll like, ‘You can waltz into my kitchen any time you want, Mr. Astaire. Honolulu, Hawaii’.”
“That’s nice.”
“Told you. Hey, they’re comin’ in fast now. ‘Love the tan line, sugar. Des Moines, Iowa’.”
“What tan line?”
“‘If I send you my address can I share your… recipes? Lincoln, Nebraska.’ Damn! This one’s in French, I can’t read it. This one isn’t, ‘Do you give cooking lessons? I’m available to study under you any time. Anchorage, Alaska’.”
“Starsk, breakfast’ll be ruined if I don’t serve it now.”
“Dish it on up then, I’ll keep streamin’. ‘Great legs!’ this one says, ‘and what they’re attached to ain’t bad either. New York, New York.’ I gotta agree with those words.”
“Thank you.”
“One more… Nope, that’s it. We’re done, outta here. That’s all, folks! Sayonara. Say goodnight, Gracie.”
“Why? What’s wrong, Starsk. What did they say?”
“Lose the apron.”
A little humor
with ageless beautiful men
on Christmas morning
END
LOVE the pic!! Great job Flamingo and Elves!
Pat, this is so cute and funny and I can see Starsky doing that!
Thank you so much for this great story!
Ditto to Flamingo and the Elves. Thank you for this perfect exclamation point to my bit of frivolity.
You’re welcome, ks. I’m really glad you can imagine Starsky doing this. I had a lot of fun writing it and I’m glad you enjoyed reading it. I appreciate the kind words.
Love it!!! I can *so* see them doing this on Christmas morning…
Aw, thanks, myhnabird. I’m glad it struck a good chord with you. I’ll treasure your “Love it!!!”
Squeeeee! The picture goes along with the story perfectly. Just what it made me visualize. Starsky will forever be a trashy boy.
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Spencer. I agree, the picture is rather NICE. And Starsky will always find new ways to celebrate his love for Hutch. Especially at Christmas. Thanks for reading, and for commenting.
Starsky showing his naughty self exposing Hutch’s tushy to the world! Love it! The photo really helps to “visualize” LOL!
Haven’t heard the word, ‘naughty’ in a while, littlestar, but, you’re correct, it fits my story perfectly. Thanks for reading and then for leaving your kind comment.
You’re funny! I’m giggling!
I’m glad to have given you a giggle, taass! Thanks for reading, and then for taking the time to comment. I’m grateful!
Loved this! The dialog was perfect. Also makes very good public service announcement for the holidays, always wear an apron when cooking bacon in the nude, it spits!
Ah, your PSA is much appreciated, mvernet; can’t have those delicate privates being grease-spattered Thanks so much for letting me know you enjoyed my happy kitchen frolic!
So cute! Starsky would definitely want to post pictures of Hutch’s backside. He’d probably want to have his own posted too 🙂 Thanks for this jolly holiday story.
You’re very welcome, marianrose; so glad you enjoyed it. I greatly appreciate your taking the time in this busy season to read my silly story and then write your kind words.
Perfect, sweetie. So them. Can just see this happening. Starsky is a bad boy, sharing his Hutch with the world, and us. Lovely dialogue. Made me smile. Thank you for sharing. Love the picture too, Elves. Thank you.
Aw, thanks so much, WF. Starsky’s very restrained here, I thought ; sharing only parts of his Hutch with the world (and us). And I really hope my intention to convey that Hutch was enjoying himself, too, came through. Don’t know if it did. Can’t thank you enough for taking the time to read it, and then to leave your lovely comment. Happy Holidays to everyone on the Isle!
Yes, Hutch was definitely enjoying being admired. I mean bad boy in a good way–lol. Happy Christmas to you, too. Thank you.
You always mean ‘bad boy Starsky’ in a good way, WF. And you’re very welcome!
Oh Yeah! Thank you thank you thank you for the story and the picture!
You’re very welcome, welcome, welcome, Matsir! I’m really glad you enjoyed my frivolous Christmas morning romp. The Elves must take the credit for the pic though; I only wrote the words, they found the gorgeous ‘buns.’
Love it! The comments Starsky reads sound like they came from us! Love the photo too?. Great job everyone!!
Thanks, CallieDoodle! I’m really glad my little funfest struck a good chord with you. Yes, I was kinda thinking of ‘us’ when I wrote those comments. Wonder if HBB sees this and agrees with the commenter in Honolulu. We’ll see…. I really appreciate your taking the time in this busy season to read and then leave your kind comment.
LOL I’d like a cooking lesson, pretty please!!!!!! LOL
That’s a funny story! Thanks! ??
You’re truly welcome, Hutcherie! Wouldn’t we all like to have such cooking lessons? If six exclamation points could get them for you, you’d have them for Christmas!!!!!! Thanks so much for reading and then for leaving your lovely comment. I’ll smile all day now
Where is that video? I’m gonna download it to my computer so I can watch all the time!
Hope Starsky added eome cheesy 70s porn music b4 he uploaded it! LOL
Don’t we all wish that, Hutchlover?! We’d probably have trouble getting any ‘work’ done though so maybe it’s a good thing it’s only a story Can you add music while you’re ‘streaming’? I have no idea and Starsky probably doesn’t either. Thanks for reading and then for your kind words. Merry Christmas!
Starsky is a menace, lol. <3
With a new Christmas ‘toy,’ he sure is. Thanks for reading, exbex, and then for letting me know you enjoyed it. Have a Merry!
This older woman would get tech savvy fast if you showed me how to get that streaming! Thanks for making me smile.
Oh, I’m glad I could make you smile today, Elaine. Yes, this older woman would do the same! I can write ‘tech savvy’ but I ain’t Thanks so much for reading my little bit of fluff, and then for taking the time to let me know you enjoyed it! Happy Holidays!!!
OMG, laughing so hard I can’t breathe! Starsky (and you) win the Interwebz!
“the Interwebz”? Whazat, hbb? Just curious. Whatever it is, I’m sure Starsky is, and I KNOW I am, thrilled. Glad I could give you a good laugh in this busy season. I loved ‘seeing’ them do this and then loved writing it. Thanks so very much for your sweet comment!
Oh, just a silly/tongue-in-cheek way of saying ‘internet.’
“You win the internet” in this context is basically the equivalent of “this is the best thing I’ve seen online” 🙂
Thanks for the explanation, Baby. Makes sense, now (I don’t seem to have smiley face capability in my response program.) I hope you weren’t offended that I had ‘Honolulu’ leave a comment (raised-eyebrow-smiley face). I simply couldn’t resist.
That would be a Christmas morning to remember! The comments were perfect, fun story!
Thanks so much, Laura. I had so much fun writing it, and I’m really glad you enjoyed reading it! Also, and especially since it’s long after the ‘holiday,’ I greatly appreciate your reading, and then leaving your sweet comment. THX!