Starsky: “Ollie?”
Hutch: “Yes, Stanley?”
Starsky: “How’s about we tell Captain Dobey some funny Christmas jokes? He looks like he could use a laugh.”
Hutch: “That’s a good idea, Stanley. Why don’t you go first?”
Starsky: “OK, I will. [Clears throat]…Why do mummies like the holidays so much?”
Hutch: “I don’t know, Stanley. Why?”
Starsky: “Because they’re into all the wrapping.”
Dobey: [groans]
Hutch: “I’ve got one, Stanley! Knock, knock.”
8Starsky: “Who’s there?”
Hutch: “Pizza.”
Starsky: “Pizza, who?”
Hutch: “Pizza on earth, good will toward men!”
Dobey:
Starsky: “Say, Ollie… I think Cap’n Dobey looks a little grumpy today. Hey, what does a grumpy sheep say at Christmas?”
Hutch: “What?”
Starsky: “Baaaa humbug!”
Dobey: [rolls eyes]
Hutch: “Stanley, where do snowmen keep their money?”
Starsky: “Beats me, Ollie.”
Dobey: “I’d like to beat the [censored] outta both of you!”
Hutch: [ignores Dobey] “In a snow bank!”
Starsky: “Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?”
Hutch: “Why?”
Starsky: “Because the present’s beneath them.”
Dobey:
Starsky: “Ollie, I don’t think he likes these jokes. How about this one — What does Santa say at the start of a race?”
Hutch: “I don’t know, Stanley.”
Starsky: “Ready, set, Ho! Ho! Ho!”
Dobey: [checks his watch]
Hutch: “Oh, Stanley?”
Starsky: “Yes, Ollie?”
Hutch: “What are you giving Captain Dobey for Christmas?”
Starsky: “A list of everything I want!”
Dobey:
Starsky & Hutch: “Merry Christmas, Cap’n!”
Dobey: “Merry Christmas, boys.”
Starsky, Hutch, and Dobey: “Merry Christmas, everyone!”
