‘Twas the night before Christmas and Starsky & Hutch
Were drinking Tequila; they’d had a bit much.
Our boys were planted on the couch in Starsky’s apartment; at least he had a tree. Someone had gifted them a bottle of Tequila–something of which they didn’t usually partake. But it seemed to go well with the pizza. They decided it would be ungrateful not to finish it that night. Their conversation took a turn for the worse.
“Hey, Hutch. How do reindeer fly?”
“They use their wings.”
“They don’t have wings.”
“They don’t fly, either.”
“But . . . never mind.”
Starsky handed the bottle to Hutch. “Hey, Hutch. Which burns longer, a red Christmas candle or a green Christmas candle?”
“I don’t know. I guess it would depend on how tall or wide they are and what they’re made of because . . .”
“You’re weird, you know that?”
“Okay, I give up.”
“Neither. They both burn shorter.” Starsky laughed at his wittiness.
Hutch gave him a dirty look, then chuckled. “You got me there, partner.”
“Hey, Hutch. Where does a snowman keep his money?”
“Are we gonna do this all night?”
“I hope so. Come on, where does a snowman keep his money?”
“Okay, gimme a minute.” Hutch closed his eyes and fake snored.
“Aw come on, Hutch.”
“Hey, I was thinking. How about this: a snow bank.”
“Smartass.”
Companionable silence for a while.
“Hey, Hutch. What did the snowman give his girlfriend when he asked her to marry him?”
“A carrot?”
“A lump of coal!”
“That’s not very romantic.”
“Coal can be ground into a diamond. For the engagement ring!”
“You made that up, didn’t you?”
“Yeah. Pretty clever, huh?”
“Mmm… Hey Starsk, where do snowmen go to dance?”
“Hmmm. I know this one. Uh . . . a discsnow?”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“All right, I give up!”
“A snow ball.”
Hutch laughed.
“I got a better one. How do you tell the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?”
“Snowballs,” Hutch answered. “That was easy.”
“Yup!”
“What did the cop say when he saw a snowman stealing?”
“Freeze!”
Their laughter was heartier than the conversation warranted. They took a moment to catch their breath.
Then Starsky began again. “There once was a snowman named Frosty.”
A long pause.
“Forget it, Starsk. You’ll never come up with two words that rhyme with ‘Frosty’.”
“Sure I will. ‘Losty.’”
“That’s not a word.”
“Ever hear of poetic license?”
“Yeah. Ever hear of poetic ‘that’s dumb’?”
“There once was a snowman named Frosty. Who wandered around and got losty.”
Hutch had to laugh at the ‘so there’ look on Starsky’s face. “Okay, I guess that works. Keep going.”
“You think I won’t? Cuz I will.”
Moments passed.
“Okay, I got something different. There once was a man made of snow
Who didn’t know which way to go.
Should he date girls or should he date boys?
Neither. He loved Hutch.”
Starsky waited till Hutch opened his mouth to object. “Donch’a know.” He laughed.
Hutch rolled his eyes and handed the bottle to Starsky.
“Hey, Starsk, why did the snowman pull down his pants?”
“I don’t know but he’s gonna freeze his . . . .”
Hutch cut him off. “He heard the snow blower coming.”
“Well drop your drawers and call me ‘Toro’.”
“What?”
“They make snow blowers. Now shut up and let me do my job.”
Eventually it was a silent night.
(Did they have snow blowers in the ‘70s? Who cares? ? )
This was soo funny. I loved your jokes and you nailed Starsky and Hutch’s voices..it was so them.
Thanks, Edie. Glad you liked their voices. I have fun with writing their convos.
The jokes were too funny! Thanks so much for sharing!
Thanks, Anne! Nothing like Christmas jokes. 😉
‘Cutely’ naughty! (poetic licence!) x
Ha ha ha! Love it! Thanks for the comment, Hilly.
I love this. It made me laugh. Thanks.
I’m glad you laughed. That means I succeeded. Thanks for the comment, Bertha!
This is hilarious! I can just imagine Hutch’s face when Starsky comes up with those jokes, but he can’t help but laugh! Too funny! Great job!
Thank you, Lisa! I had fun searching the net for Christmas jokes and riddles. The bad ones I made up myself with the help of my friend, Wine. 😉
LOL!!! Toro!!! Oh good grief. Excellent job! You are a nut, and I love it!
I’m a nut, I’m an egg, I’m pan-food. Hahahahaha! Thank you so much, Kat!
Great job, Chocolate Egg!! Witty, funny, and THEM!
Thank you so much for this entertaining gift!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Nancy. I think writing them as tipsy is easy because you can clearly see them sitting on the couch pressed together side by side just saying whatever comes to mind. Thanks for the comment!
? Great jokes. So them with some tequila to encourage them along. Thanks for your gift!
Thanks, Jen. Gotta have a little extra something. 😉
Starsky and Hutch certainly know how to enjoy each other – no matter what they’re doing. 😉
Ain’t that the truth! Thanks for the comment!
Tequila, pizza, Starsky, Hutch and balls. What a lovely Christmas combination 🙂
Ha! Even though it wasn’t mentioned there was probably a banana or two in the mix. 😉 Thanks for the comment, Onna!
Tequila and slashy jokes, what could be better? Nicely done, Chocolate Egg. Thanks for this hilarious gift!
Thank you, Pat! I love S&H humor!
Really cute! Thanks ?⛄️
Thanks for the comment, Lou!
This was so cute! Tequila and pizza – a perfect Christmas Eve! Starsky’s jokes were hysterical and definitely ones he would tell. I’m still laughing over the Toro. I’ll never look at our snowblower the same again!
P.S. To answer your question, they did have snowblowers in the 70’s! My dad bought a used one in 1969 or 1970, so they’ve definitely been around a long time!
Thanks for commenting, Donna! You’ll have to paint your snowblower red with a white stripe. 😉 And thank you for answering my question.
Ha! Full of groan-worthy jokes, and somehow the drunk limerick-turned-love-confession was the funniest — and sweetest — part!
Thanks, Monica! Yup, really bad jokes. I’m glad you liked the really bad limerick. Leave it Starsky to turn it into something good.
Fabulous! Fun and funny! You got the voices and banter down… geez like being in the room with them. So cute the jokes and so hysterical an ending! This is great!! Thank you!
OMG I loved this soooo much! I couldn’t stop laughing and then the love confession was so sweet, awww! And the banter was so them!
Thank you, taass! Glad you enjoyed it. Wouldn’t that be awesome to be in the same room and listen to them. Of course, they’d be in their own world.<3
Well, this is in the wrong place. Sorry, Daisy.
Thank you, taass! Glad you enjoyed it. Wouldn’t that be awesome to be in the same room and listen to them. Of course, they’d be in their own world.<3
What the …?!
I could practically see them sprawled on the couch leaning against each other (somehow I see them with slightly crunched paper hats on their heads) totally relaxed half drunk and laughing.
Loved the jokes and Starsky’s deceleration of love..*sigh*
Ooo, I like the idea of hats – Starsky’s idea, of course. Glad you enjoyed the jokes and thank you for the comment!
Lol. Like Hutch’s fake snoring. I’ll admit I don’t know what a snow blower is for.
Oh, Dawn, you’ve missed so much, not knowing what a snow blower does. Not. You’re pulling my leg, right? 😉 Glad you enjoyed it and thank for commenting!
Lol. No, really have never seen one. Like a leaf blower, I guess?
Such cute and funny banter! I’d love to see the morning after, too!
Glad you enjoyed their tipsy conversation. ‘Morning after’, huh? Well, it won’t happen for the calendar, but beyond that, who knows? Thanks for commenting!
I loved this, I’m still smiling! From the title I expected drunken love confessions, but the jokes were so inventive and funny and so Starsky. Loved Hutch’s snore too.
Glad I (and Starsky) made you smile. Thanks for the comment!
I needed this laugh this morning! Delightful and clever.
Thank you!
Laughter is a good thing. (Martha Stewart. Not! 🙂 ) Thanks for commenting!
Thank you! I used all of these at my dental cleaning. Had my dental hygienist, mother of twin 8 yr olds; cracking up. She couldn’t wait to pick them up from school and share almost all of them with the carpool. (The NSFpre-teen one was very much appreciated, too, but she was saving that for her SIL)
Ah, the humor rolls on. I’m pretty sure the 8 year olds will enjoy them, too. Thanks for commenting!