December 15th: Please Don’t Feed the Polar Bears by SHybaby

Starsky peered out his window as the plane accelerated down the runway, his heart beating with anticipation. He patted Hutch’s knee while still focused on the view.

“Hey Hutch, how long until we get there again?”

“We have two connections through Vancouver and Winnipeg, then a charter flight to Churchill, so with layovers and such included, we’ll be there in about nine hours from now.” Hutch looked up from his reading material and joined in looking out the window.

Starsky swiveled to look at Hutch and said, “You excited?”

“I’m over the moon.” Hutch’s face filled with emotion. “I’ve always wanted to go on an animal safari, but never in a million years did I imagine that you would give me a gift to see polar bears… in northern Canada… on the tundra, no less.”

Starsky’s mind wandered to the week before when he had surprised Hutch with an early Christmas present.

He burst into Hutch’s apartment holding a small box wrapped in bright red paper and a spiraling ribbon while singing, “Here Comes Santa Claus, Here Comes Santa Claus.”

Hutch set down his guitar on the couch, his face lighting up at the intrusion.

Starsky kicked the door closed behind him and approached Hutch. He smiled at him, straddling his lap, and offered the gift with both hands. “Merry Christmas, babe.”

Of course, Hutch had protested. “Starsk, I’m touched, but this is too much… to give me a present, especially so far before Christmas. I mean, it’s only November, and I haven’t even started shopping….”

Starsky put a finger to his lips to silence him. “This gift has an expiration date. So would you shut up and open it already?”

“You really know how to keep a guy on his toes,” Hutch said, pulling Starsky close and stroking his cheek. He gave in and ripped off the wrapping paper. Inside were two airline tickets and a travel brochure reading, ‘See the Polar Bears in Churchill, Manitoba, Canada, Polar Bear Capital of the World.’

Blue eyes lit up, and a radiant smile spread across his face. Hutch moved in for a kiss, and his show of thanks continued until they were in bed and all of that enormous gratitude was on display for the taking…

The sound of the roaring plane snapped Starsky back to the present and he leaned closer to hear Hutch speaking.

“Starsk, I still find it hard to believe you wanted to do this — you don’t even enjoy camping, much less being in the great outdoors or a cold climate.”

“As long as the polar bears stay on the outside of the… what do they call it again?”

“Tundra Truck.”

“Right, as long as they stay on the outside of the Tundra Truck, I’ll be good.”

“It’ll be spectacular. I read in the brochure that thousands of polar bears spend the months of July through November on Hudson Bay, just waiting for it to freeze, so they can hunt seals on the ice in winter.”

Starsky took in Hutch’s expression of love and mentally recorded it for permanent safekeeping.

“Hey, Hutch.”

“Yeah, Starsk?”

“How do polar bears show their love?”

Hutch raised his eyebrows. “I give up, how?”

“They give their seal of approval.”

Hutch burst out laughing and Starsky followed suit. They were both that excited.

“I thought we’d never get here,” Starsky said, plopping his luggage onto the bed. “I’m too tired to eat but too hungry to sleep.”

“You’re never too tired to eat.” Hutch chuckled, looking out the window. “Did you know this hotel is located on the only paved road in the town of Churchill?”

Starsky joined him at the window, and added, “It feels like we’re on another planet, not just in another country. Hey look, there’s a mercantile across the street. What do you say we pick up a few supplies and then have dinner?”

“Good idea. Then we can get some sleep. I’m pretty wiped.”

Starsky reached into his suitcase. “Put this hat on first. We wouldn’t want anyone to mistake all that blond hair for a polar bear.” He pulled it down over Hutch’s ears and patted his cheek.

Hutch looked in the mirror and started adjusting it. “They call this a tuque here in Canada, Starsk.”

Starsky gently grabbed his arm and pushed him out the door. “Just get your pretty little tuque moving, will ya? I’m getting hungry.”

The next morning they rose early, the sun not yet up, a chill in the air as they dressed.

“Hey Starsk, let’s go, the bus for the tundra leaves in ten minutes. Don’t want to keep the rest of the tour group waiting for us.”

Starsky was wrapping a thick scarf around his neck. “I’m coming, I’m coming. It’s gonna be cold. I heard someone say it’s supposed to be minus twelve degrees today.”

Hutch sat on the bed tying his big winter boots. “That’s cold, sure, but that’s in Celsius. Minus twelve Celsius is like ten degrees Fahrenheit. Canada switched to the metric system in the early seventies.”

“Minus twelve… ten degrees… a pack of penguins eating ice cream in a snowstorm… What’s the difference? It’s still cold, Hutch.”

“I’ll be sure to keep you warm tonight.” Hutch stood up and placed his arms around Starsky’s shoulders, helping to straighten the scarf. “But for now, we really gotta go.”

Ten minutes later, they joined the tour group and boarded a bus for the twenty-minute ride to the tundra. Hutch’s eyes were sparkling blue against the morning darkness and Starsky could feel the energy bouncing off him.

The bus arrived, and they saw their next means of transportation for the first time. It was a gigantic all-terrain vehicle that stood fifteen feet in the air, sporting five-and-a-half foot tires, and could accommodate up to forty people. On the side was the sign, “Tundra Truck Adventures.”

“Wow! That truck is massive, and the scenery is incredible.” Hutch scanned the expansive, treeless area around him, taking in the low-growing vegetation, abundant rock outcrops, and snow that covered the ground for miles.

“Hey Hutch, you brought the snacks, right?”

Hutch laughed at his partner’s grumbling stomach as they climbed the wooden steps to the truck’s entrance. The interior had ten rows of leather seats, two across each aisle. There were plenty of windows and an open area at the back for outdoor viewing.

“I brought sandwiches, a thermos of hot coffee, and a few other goodies, enough to feed a sleuth of hungry bears if we wanted. And yes, there’s a bathroom on board in case you’re wondering. So, what do you have in your backpack? You got a whole parka in there or something?”

“I just happened to pick up a few things at the mercantile last night. I’ve got extra socks, some hand warmers to put in your gloves, my camera, of course, and some things to keep the bears away like a flare and some bear spray.”

Hutch rolled his eyes. “You don’t need any of those bear gadgets, mushbrain. We’re perfectly safe on this Tundra Truck. The windows are ten feet off the ground, even the tallest polar bear can’t reach that.”

“Maybe so, but ever since we almost saw a bear at Pine Lake that time, I figure better safe than sorry.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll paw-tect you from the polar bears.” Hutch smiled at his wit, placing his backpack on the floor in front of him.

Starsky settled in next to him. “Good thing I’m here, Hutchinson. The cold air is getting to your brain.”

Starsky bounced with the movement of the large truck as it lumbered into the chilly wilderness. He smiled at Hutch, as he listened to the tour guide pointing out various bird species along the way.

It wasn’t long before they saw the main attraction. A polar bear was nestled under a low-growing bush, playing with a tree branch that had fallen to the ground.

Hutch pointed at the lively bear. “Look at that… our first polar bear sighting!”

Starsky was up in a flash with his camera around his neck. “Come on, let’s go to the outdoor deck, and get a better view.” They were the only two passengers who decided to brave the cold, open air.

Standing at the railing, Starsky began snapping pictures. “Would you look at the size of those bears? They’re huge. Too bad we weren’t allowed to bring our guns over the Canadian border. I mean, I know polar bears are endangered, so we wouldn’t want to shoot one on purpose, but just in case, huh?”

Hutch clung to the barrier and peered at the tundra fifteen feet below. “Don’t worry, the conservation authorities around here are fully trained and prepared. Just don’t lounge naked on any rocks so the bears confuse you for a hairy seal.”

“Oh, I’m not worried. It’s not like I’d ever have to outrun a polar bear.” Starsky smirked. “I’d just have to outrun you.” He laughed and returned to the activity below… “Hey, wait… Holy cow, do you see that…?”

Two bears next to the truck stood up straight on their hind legs and faced one another. They raised their paws and started pushing and nipping at each other before dropping to the ground and rolling around in the snow.

The tour guide’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Everyone, if you look out the window, you will see two males sparring. It’s commonly mistaken as hostile, but they’re actually play-fighting. They do this to determine the strongest bears and to practice hunting. It’s your lucky day to see them put on a show for us.”

“Look at that, they’re sparring!” Starsky was back to snapping pictures, forgetting about the cold.

Starsky moved to the platform’s corner and stood on the wooden edges that ran along the bottom to give him a couple of inches more height. He was engrossed in the scene, bending forward and turning his camera to capture every angle.

“Starsk, would you get down from there, please? Those polar bears look playful, but believe me they see humans as food, the same as any other prey. Now quit leaning over the railing, you’re making me nervous.”

“Be right there, blondie, just one more shot….” Starsky snapped another picture, and then turned to come down, when his scarf became snagged in the railing. He felt a sudden pull against his neck and stumbled backward. The camera gave way and it started to fall over the side.

Starsky leaned over the barrier to grab the camera.

“Starsky!”

Hutch grabbed a fistful of his jacket and yanked him up from the railing.

Starsky regained his balance, grasping the rescued camera in both hands.

“It was under control. I’m quick, like a cat in a tree, you know.” Starsky shrugged, a sheepish grin on his face.

“Can we at least have lunch before you try to get a close-up with a polar bear?” Hutch glanced down at the unsuspecting bears and shook his head.

Starsky felt a little foolish for scaring his partner and gave him a half smile. “Do you know that your eyes are bea-u-ti-ful when you’re overprotective?”

“Shut up.” Hutch’s tone was softer than the words. “Now, let’s go inside and eat, huh? Before you find any more trouble.”

Hutch held the door as they returned to their seats. He pulled a couple of sandwiches from his bag and handed one to his partner.

“Hey, what do polar bears like to eat?” Starsky asked while unwrapping his food.

“I give up, what?”

“Brrrrrrrrrrritos” He nudged Hutch’s side. “With iceberg lettuce.”

“And chili peppers,” Hutch joined in, forgetting about the incident outside.

“Make mine with onions.” Starsky chuckled through a bite of sandwich.

“Good idea. Your onion breath would be the best bear repellent around.”

The tour ended in the late afternoon and they returned to town. Feeling invigorated, Starsky and Hutch strolled side by side down Churchill’s main street.

“That was something, wasn’t it? We saw at least a dozen polar bears, even a few babies sunning on the ice,” Starsky said as he rubbed his hands together to keep warm.

“It was fantastic. And just to say thank you for this wonderful gift, I’m going to buy you a steak dinner tonight. But first I want to go into the mercantile across the street, and get a few more souvenirs before we leave tomorrow, ok?”

Starsky smiled as they reached the hotel, the foot traffic in the town was down to a minimum. “That’s a great idea. You go ahead and I’ll meet you back in the room.”

Hutch patted his partner’s arm before crossing the quiet road towards the store.

Starsky paused to admire Hutch while he walked away, marveling at how content and happy he appeared. He stepped off the curb and moved between two parallel-parked cars, which were blocking his view of the blond. He sighed and began to turn back to the hotel when he noticed movement in the middle of the road.

A little girl was wandering after a cat across the street. Starsky looked for an adult but couldn’t see anyone searching for the child. He took a couple of steps towards the toddler, then halted mid-stride.

It emerged in the corner of his eye.

A wayward polar bear was plodding down the road, its enormous paws padding silently along the snow-covered pavement. The small girl had her eyes on the cat, which promptly took off and crouched under a nearby parked car.

Two thoughts went through Starsky’s head at once. Relief that Hutch had gone in the other direction. And he needed to get to the girl.

Starsky bowed his head and sprinted toward the child, adrenaline pumping and heart pounding. His large winter boots and heavy backpack failed to slow him down. He dashed in, scooping the girl into his arms.

There was no doubt in Starsky’s mind that the bear had noticed the flurry of activity. He looked up and saw the animal begin to run, its steps getting quicker and faster until it barreled toward him.

Clutching the child closely, his heart in his throat, Starsky leaped on the front fender of a parked pickup. He climbed onto the top of the truck in two more strides as the bear advanced and bellied up to the back tires.

The toddler was crying, and Starsky could hear a woman shouting in the distance, “Emily, Emily…!”

“Stay back and don’t move,” Starsky said through gritted teeth as he raised one hand and signaled a halt towards the approaching woman. “Don’t get any closer,” he told her. Keeping the child close, he whispered, “Sshh, don’t worry, it’s all right.”

Starsky stared in fright at the enormous white beast. It measured more than five feet when standing on all fours and about eight feet from tip to tail. It had a long neck, was stocky and round, and had large paws, each a foot in diameter. Its dark eyes were concentrated on its prey, and the broad mouth was open, exposing all of its long sharp teeth.

The vicious bear growled at its victims, front legs perched on the back bumper of the truck, rocking it up and down.

Emily sobbed quietly, her head buried against Starsky’s comforting shoulder. Starsky remained remarkably still atop the pickup, feet in a wide, sturdy stance, hugging the young bundle to his chest.

He tried to remain as calm as possible, hoping help would arrive soon, but the street was deserted and Hutch would hopefully be in the store by now.

The little girl whimpered softly, as his mind rolled through his limited options. He was beginning to panic when a loud clashing noise cut through his racing thoughts.

Carefully, he shifted his eyes to see Hutch across the street, three cars down, banging a tin thermos into a hubcap, and shouting “Hey bear, hey bear… over here… over here…!”

“Dammit, Hutch!” Starsky swore under his breath.

Hutch kept banging and wailing, waving his arms to attract the bear’s attention. The white head turned towards the disturbance and fresh prey. Massive front legs fell from the back bumper and slammed into the ground. It shifted its body, head cocked, ears fixated on the noise.

The carnivorous animal charged. Starsky held his breath, his chest constricting in terror, as the bear raced towards Hutch.

Starsky slid down into the pickup’s open cargo bed and gently seated the girl.

“Stay still sweetheart,” he said in reassuring tones, as he swung his backpack around to unzip it.

Plunging into the bag, Starsky retrieved the can of bear spray. He raised his eyes, and what he saw made his stomach lurch with fear. Hutch was standing on top of a station wagon, the thermos and hub cap thrown to the ground. The swift, snow-colored creature was only a car’s length away from his partner.

“Huuuttttccchhh!!”

Starsky launched the can in Hutch’s direction.

Hutch raised both arms as if he was catching a baseball, keeping a close eye on the spray as it flew toward him. The hurling projectile almost missed his fingertips as he stood high on his toes to grab the can.

The polar bear was at the car, and had no trouble jumping onto the hood. It sat back on its haunches, front paws poised to strike, large mouth open and snarling.

With precision and speed, Hutch twisted the can and aimed it at the bear’s face.

Starsky jumped from the pickup truck, and flung the backpack to the ground, dread filling his mind. He rushed at full throttle to Hutch and saw the bear tumble backward to the pavement. It growled, clutching its eyes with its front paws and rolling in confusion.

Starsky braced himself with a sliding stop at the car door. Hutch was kneeling on the roof, gasping for air and gazing in horror at the writhing bear.

At the same moment, a conservation officer’s car squealed down the road toward the scene. The guard rushed out, stood over the bear with his pistol drawn, and shot the struggling animal with a tranquilizer gun, immobilizing it completely.

Starsky reached up, breathing heavily, and offered Hutch a hand. Hutch’s feet touched the snowy roadway and he stumbled forward into Starsky’s embrace. Starsky held him tightly before moving back, looking for any sign of injury.

“You boys alright?” the guard asked, his eyes fixed on the unmoving bear. “Someone heard the noise and called it in. I’m with the conservation authority, the name’s Turner. I wasn’t far and got here as soon as I could.”

Hutch looked at Starsky, appraising him for any damage. “You ok?”

Starsky leaned his hand across Hutch’s shoulder. “What took you so long?”

Hutch exhaled for the first time. “Yes, Officer Turner, we’re ok.”

“But what about the bear?” Starsky asked. “What’s gonna happen to it?”

“Backup is on the way,” Turner reassured them. “The bear will be unconscious for a while, and we’ll arrange for it to be airlifted back to the tundra by helicopter. You fellows just had bad luck that nobody was on the street to help. But, I’m sure that mother and her little girl over there are pretty grateful you were around.”

Emily’s mother waved, sobbing in relief, as she held her daughter safely in her arms.

Starsky returned a nod, taking in the happy reunion. Hutch gave Starsky’s shoulder a squeeze before walking over to the conservation officer, extending his hand.

“I’m Ken Hutchinson and this is my partner, Dave Starsky. We’re cops, visiting from California. Do you see this a lot, bears wandering into the town?”

Turner reached out and shook both their hands. “It’s rare, but it can happen. The town of Churchill is right on the bears’ migration path. That’s why folks here don’t lock their homes or cars, in case someone has to find shelter in a hurry.”

“Well, that wasn’t in the brochure,” Hutch whispered to Starsky.

Starsky anchored his hand on Hutch’s shoulder, the adrenaline in his system beginning to drain away. “Tell me something. What exactly was your plan when you thought it would be a good idea to agitate an already enraged polar bear with so much noise?”

“I was almost at the store when I had to stop and tie my bootlace. I got up and I heard a woman shouting. I turned and saw you on that truck. I just reacted. I found an old hubcap on the side of the road and took out the thermos from my bag. I figured I’d distract the bear and give us both enough time to take cover.”

“Hutch, I almost lost my lunch when I saw that bear go at you.”

“Believe me, I know exactly how you felt, Starsk.”

“I don’t know what’s worse. Being a target on the streets of Bay City for thugs and dirtbags who want to put holes in us where no holes should be or being a potential dinner for a thousand-pound polar bear.  I think I’d rather take my chances on the streets back home.” Starsky shuddered with a grimace, looking with relief at the sleeping bear.

Hutch turned back to the guard. “Thanks for getting here so quickly. My buddy here is a little shaken up. He much prefers eating dinner than being dinner. Me too for that matter.”

Turner nodded. “That’s understandable. But if it had to happen, I’m glad a couple of cops were around who could keep their cool. I don’t think many people could have handled the situation.”

Starsky gave a nod of thanks to Turner. “If you don’t mind, I think we’ve had enough for one day. We’re staying at the hotel across the street if you need anything from us.” He pulled Hutch as they departed. “I’m actually even hungrier now. Come on, blondie. You promised me a steak dinner.”

“Starsky, I’ll buy you twelve steak dinners if that’s what you want. Trust me, I’m not letting you out of my sight again.”

Starsky and Hutch lay in each other’s arms that night, full from dinner and worn out from the day.

“Starsk, this has been the best Christmas present ever. Thank you.”

“Even almost getting eaten by a polar bear, Hutch?”

Hutch stroked Starsky’s arm. “Well, no, not that part. But I loved going out on the tundra. And I’m looking forward to spending a few days in Winnipeg, exploring the city, and relaxing a little. You know, Winnipeg is only about four hundred miles northwest of Duluth, but I’ve never been there.”

Starsky snuggled into Hutch, their bodies protected from the lingering chill by the wool blanket and bedspread. He was eager to develop all the photos and make an album to give to Hutch on Christmas Day.

“Hey, Hutch. You remember how we saw those two male bears sparring?”

“Of course, that was something else.”

“Those bears reminded me of you. All blond, tall and powerful, yet teasing and playful.”

Hutch rolled on top of Starsky and pinned him underneath. “You mean like this?”

“Yeah, just like that, my big blond, cuddly, polar bear.”

“How about we try a little sparring of our own?”

“But sir, I bear-ly know ya.” Starsky smiled in the sexy way he knew drove Hutch crazy.

Hutch’s eyes twinkled as he snickered. “Hey Starsk, why did the polar bears have sex on top of an iceberg?”

“I give up, why?” Starsky drew Hutch near.

“Because they kept breaking the bed.”

Starsky barked a laugh. “It’s official. The cold has definitely affected your brain, Hutchinson.”

“I guess you’ll have to warm me up. Come here, my furry polar bear.”

Starsky pulled Hutch close, as they nibbled, pawed, and rolled under the covers. The room heated up as the sparring grew more intense and the bed groaned in protest.

“I think we can call it a draw,” Starsky murmured, as hungry lips crushed against his own.

“Ok with me.” Hutch yielded, his voice low and silky, “After all, I’ve already captured the best prize of all.”

Starsky melted into Hutch’s arms as they made sweet love in the moonlit room. Only the howling of the tundra could be heard in the distance, the high of the day behind them, and passion fueling their warmth well into the night.

-end-

Special thanks to Dawnwind for the beta read. Any remaining errors are all my own.

Thank you for reading and Happy Holidays!

Author’s Notes:

1. 1. The ‘Tundra Truck’ is a fictional name. However, similar tourism vehicles do operate in Churchill, Manitoba, and have been responsibly taking people to see polar bears in the tundra since the 1980s.
   2. To help prevent damage to the tundra ecosystem, the tours operate on a set of established trails created by the military in the 1950s. Among other things, the fleets use environmentally friendly engine coolants and oils that have no negative environmental impact.
   3. Churchill is located on the polar bears’ migration path. Back when Starsky and Hutch visited the town, bear sightings were somewhat rare, which explains why Hutch may not have read about it in the brochure. Sadly, climate change and the shrinking sea ice have led bears to wander more and more into human settlements as they await the delayed winter freeze. Residents of Churchill do leave their homes and cars unlocked in case anyone needs to take cover in a hurry.
   4. There is no road leading into Churchill, which is very remote and accessible only by train or air, explaining why Starsky and Hutch had to take a charter flight from Winnipeg.
   5. Bear spray is a type of pepper spray that’s derived from chili peppers, causing inflammation of the bear’s eyes, nose, and lungs, but it does not cause any permanent damage to the bear. Hutch was lucky to spray the bear directly into its face and disable it, as many experts wouldn’t rely on bear spray alone against an apex predator like a polar bear. Better to just stay clear of wandering polar bears as a rule, and not try this at home.