Starsky & Hutch Advent 2019

Author’s Note: this story is the sequel to King Haajensen and Ambassador Stavish, the two parts of The Iron Throne that appeared on Day 3 of the 2018 Starsky & Hutch Advent Calendar.

My appreciation to Wightfaerie for the initial image, Hutch on the Iron Throne, which was one of Day 17’s gifts on the 2017 Advent Calendar, plus the subsequent encouragement and betas. Thanks, Kid!

HAAJENSEN

My name is Haajensen and, since the murder of my father, I am a king. The year following his death seemed endless and, at times, I feared for my lands, the people under my rule, and my very sanity. I was besieged on all sides with no real hope of relief. And it was in that frame of mind that I agreed to a meeting with Ambassador Stavish.

Since that fateful day, my advisors have attempted to take credit for his fortuitous appearance. I, however, am of the belief that my prayer to Thor was the cause. Either way, I am more grateful than I can say for his presence. He has been our salvation, militarily, and has retrieved me from the edge of the abyss. At the time, I felt I had no one to turn to. Now, I bask in his friendship, loyalty and trust. His courage is unmatched, and his excellent strategies have allowed our meager forces to repel all recent attempts to capture our lands. Continue reading →

‘Twas the night before Christmas and Starsky & Hutch
Were drinking Tequila; they’d had a bit much.

Our boys were planted on the couch in Starsky’s apartment; at least he had a tree. Someone had gifted them a bottle of Tequila–something of which they didn’t usually partake. But it seemed to go well with the pizza. They decided it would be ungrateful not to finish it that night. Their conversation took a turn for the worse.

“Hey, Hutch. How do reindeer fly?”

“They use their wings.”

“They don’t have wings.”

“They don’t fly, either.”

“But . . . never mind.”

Starsky handed the bottle to Hutch. “Hey, Hutch. Which burns longer, a red Christmas candle or a green Christmas candle?”

“I don’t know. I guess it would depend on how tall or wide they are and what they’re made of because . . .”

“You’re weird, you know that?”

“Okay, I give up.”

“Neither. They both burn shorter.” Starsky laughed at his wittiness.

Hutch gave him a dirty look, then chuckled. “You got me there, partner.”

“Hey, Hutch. Where does a snowman keep his money?”

“Are we gonna do this all night?”

“I hope so. Come on, where does a snowman keep his money?”

“Okay, gimme a minute.” Hutch closed his eyes and fake snored.

“Aw come on, Hutch.”

“Hey, I was thinking. How about this: a snow bank.”

“Smartass.”

Companionable silence for a while.

“Hey, Hutch. What did the snowman give his girlfriend when he asked her to marry him?”

“A carrot?”

“A lump of coal!”

“That’s not very romantic.”

“Coal can be ground into a diamond. For the engagement ring!”

“You made that up, didn’t you?”

“Yeah. Pretty clever, huh?”

“Mmm… Hey Starsk, where do snowmen go to dance?”

“Hmmm. I know this one. Uh . . . a discsnow?”

“That doesn’t even make sense.”

“All right, I give up!”

“A snow ball.”

Hutch laughed.

“I got a better one. How do you tell the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?”

“Snowballs,” Hutch answered. “That was easy.”

“Yup!”

“What did the cop say when he saw a snowman stealing?”

“Freeze!”

Their laughter was heartier than the conversation warranted. They took a moment to catch their breath.

Then Starsky began again. “There once was a snowman named Frosty.”

A long pause.

“Forget it, Starsk. You’ll never come up with two words that rhyme with ‘Frosty’.”

“Sure I will. ‘Losty.’”

“That’s not a word.”

“Ever hear of poetic license?”

“Yeah. Ever hear of poetic ‘that’s dumb’?”

“There once was a snowman named Frosty. Who wandered around and got losty.”

Hutch had to laugh at the ‘so there’ look on Starsky’s face. “Okay, I guess that works. Keep going.”

“You think I won’t? Cuz I will.”

Moments passed.

“Okay, I got something different. There once was a man made of snow
Who didn’t know which way to go.
Should he date girls or should he date boys?
Neither. He loved Hutch.”

Starsky waited till Hutch opened his mouth to object. “Donch’a know.” He laughed.

Hutch rolled his eyes and handed the bottle to Starsky.

“Hey, Starsk, why did the snowman pull down his pants?”

“I don’t know but he’s gonna freeze his . . . .”

Hutch cut him off. “He heard the snow blower coming.”

“Well drop your drawers and call me ‘Toro’.”

“What?”

“They make snow blowers. Now shut up and let me do my job.”

Eventually it was a silent night.

(Did they have snow blowers in the ‘70s? Who cares? ? )